The staggering number of useless items sold in supermarkets is irrefutable proof that John Q. Public rides the short bus to work. Last year, I was a scan coordinator (price tag hanger), and I got a good look at all my store had to offer. Considering the obscene selection of two-dollar energy drinks and the advent of American Idol fruit snacks, it's apparent that people will stop at nothing to disprove the myth of human intelligence.
The only viable explanation is that these dupes have more money than common sense. I was not joking when I mentioned American Idol fruit snacks. I saw them with my own disbelieving eyes. Not only must one be an absolute fool to buy these, but also a wasteful punk, as this item's tag read $2.99. What a bargain: $2.99 for roughly six ounces of some gelatinous candy substance that is devoid of any fruit whatsoever. Sadly enough, there were 61 types of fruit snacks sold at my store, when perhaps there should be none.
Many people lack an understanding of what getting a product to market entails. From crustless white bread and green ketchup to fake cheese in an aerosol can, these overpriced little treasures were approved of by a consensus of research subjects. Marketing research firms are located in virtually every major city. Before a product is introduced, it is subjected to lengthy focus groups and taste or product testing.
Simply put, American Idol fruit snacks and the like were not put on the shelves thanks to corporate nimrods. People would love to mock the corporations for such creations. That would make us feel superior and intellectually secure as a society. I have participated in enough focus groups to accurately say that research subjects do not bullshit and are not paid to do so.
The reality is that a potentially diverse representative sample of regular people decided for Kellogg's that American Idol fruit snacks were a good idea. Kellogg's was merely smart enough to realize that us geniuses would overspend on this inane product and place these morsels of dyed sugar into our fat children’s lunchboxes. I used the phrase "common sense" in the second paragraph — who are we fooling? "Common sense" is any oxymoron. At this point, a bottled water rant seems fitting, but I'll leave that gem in the hands of Andy Rooney.
Article comments
1 - Chris Beaumont
Don't be messin' with my Fruity Pebbles!
2 - Aku
I was stunned by American Idol ice cream (by Dryers I think) at Walmart the other day.
I think most of these are not a comment on consumers as much as they are on marketers.
3 - Ray Ellis
Nice BC debut, Joe. Took you long enough to get here, didn't it?
But here you are, and in the spotlight, to boot.
What I've always liked about your work is the biting humor bubbling just beneath your rants.
Again, welcome aboard!
#2 Akua, you can't separate the consumers from the marketers. The deeper the consumer goes into the common denominator pit, the more the marketing wings will accommodate us.
4 - Aku
Eh, its a chicken/egg question. I think marketers are sometimes desperate for the next angle. Whoever thought up this American idol line of food stuffs (I have to laugh every time I say this) needs to be shot. I mean really, who will say, "Wow, the American Idol [fruit snacks, ice cream etc.] must be good!" It sounds like the product of a long group think session, that so often blows in the innovation desert of what passes for a marketing department at so many corporations.
5 - Aku
And I dont buy that they do it because the people wanted Idol food stuffs. Has anyone ever heard, "If only these fruit snacks made me think of Taylor Hicks . . ."
6 - Ray Ellis
And yet, they buy it up.
7 - Aku
Show me some sales results and I will believe it. Otherwise its a unfounded assumption.
8 - Mohjho
Aww come on Joe lighten up, spending money on stupid shit can be fun. Like buying a bottle of wine just because the label looks cool. Or cat snacks that come in cute shapes, like your cat gives a crap. Or pure water in a clever and expensive plastic bottle.
Oh my god, how pathetic are we?
9 - Ray Ellis
I don't make unfounded assumptions, Aku. You said:
"I think most of these are not a comment on consumers as much as they are on marketers."
Now are you talking about fad foods in general, or American Idol Ice cream specifically?
Either way, the point is moot. It's a given that most products fail. Those that don't are purchased by consumers and live a long and happy commercial life--until the next one comes along. Effective marketing is crucial, of course, but if the consumer doesn't buy the product--whatever it is--manufacturers become grumpy, and marketers go hungry.Do you really believe marketers are so savvy they can force us to buy things we don't want?