In light of the concerns younger military parents have expressed, there are three important distinctions to be made between what the kids in the article said and what a lot of parents seem to have heard.
1) Any distaste the military child feels about the question of "from" isn't because of the question itself. It's because of the number of times they've come across a questioner who wouldn't accept their answer.
Several commenters on the article (here and on other sites where it was reposted) have said, "What's the big deal? Just say 'X' and be done with it." This sounds good in theory and in fact sometimes it does work, but as the kids quoted in the article pointed out, their answer is rarely accepted at face value. This is why they don't like the question: A lot of people won't take "X" for an answer, especially if "X"="everywhere." As the parent of a younger child, you are in the perfect position to teach others that "X," no matter what it equals, is a valid answer.
2) You're right: Your childhood isn't your child's. And vice versa. I was raised in one town with one family. My children were raised in many towns with one family – ours. This made it all the more important to value our family unit with support, strength, and encouragement. I had a few friends growing up and I still keep in touch with only one of them. It's not uncommon for kids who made friends at Camp Lejeune, North Carolina to see each other again in Okinawa, Japan. Thanks to Facebook, a lot of children have reconnected virtually. "It's a small world" has a special meaning in the military community, but don't let this force you into a claustrophobic approach to raising your children.
The myth that military children lose out on real childhoods is just that: a myth. It assumes an incredibly strict definition of childhood. The military lifestyle does not itself detract from the quality of childhood. That idea is adult-centric and should not be conveyed to the child – not by the parent or anyone in the parent's family or circle of civilian friends. Parents set the stage for how their child will feel about being a military kid. Being a military child does have its disadvantages, but having a parent who feels bad for them shouldn't be one of them.
Shawn: "I actually felt bad for my kids knowing they were going to pretty much grow up in one town their whole lives. Of course, I envied them at the same time. I found myself searching out opportunities to expose to them to what I experienced: vacations, friends from other cultures, even food and entertainment. Military parents need to do this, too. Carry along those mementos from their 'home'. Learn how to make Grandpa's jambalaya or Aunt Margie's scones and do it faithfully. Keep telling the darn stories even after your kids realize you have a dubious relationship with the truth when telling them."
Article comments
1 - Lisa Smith Molinari
Diana, like you, I was raised in one town but my three Navy brat kids were raised in many towns. Moving was not a problem for my kids when they were little, but it gets harder when they are teens. My oldest is 16, so social life is paramount and I worry about him fitting in and being a well-adjusted kid. On the other hand, when I was 16, I would have loved to have the opportunity to move to some exciting place and reinvent myself. In my hometown, I was dubbed the chunky class clown in the third grade - a reputation that stuck with me until I graduated high school! Needless to say, I had a hard time finding prom dates!
2 - Terri Barnes
Diana, Thank you for pointing out that military children are not to be pitied -- least of all by their parents. Our attitude as military parents about the life we lead and the way we speak to our children about it totally shapes the way they respond to a mobile childhood.
Civilians have asked me "Don't you worry about your kids?" How do you answer a question like that? With the same question turned back to them: "Don't you worry about YOUR kids?" We all do for some reason or another.
Military life, although difficult, is not intrinsically bad for kids. Parents with their own unresolved issues with military life might be.
I admit I've had some qualms about moving my children. Some moves are just plain hard. But no life is without difficulty, and difficulty can always be an opportunity to learn.
In my view, with good parenting, military life is one of the best possible worlds. But I don't claim to be unbiased!
Terri
3 - CJ Wallington
I never thought to ask my kids where they were from, nor did I ever hear anyone ask (but if I had, I too would have let them answer for themselves). When I retired after 23 years of service, I introduced my kids by age and the number of different homes they'd lived in (14 years - 10 homes, 12 years - 9 homes, 10 years - 7 homes), then thanked them all for living like a band of gypsies. I knew they adapted to the constant change when one asked "when are we moving again? I'm bored with this house...". Non-moving families don't know what they're missing out on.
4 - Glenn Contrarian
Amen! I strongly feel that for the majority of military brats, the experience had far more pluses than minuses - especially the free health care, the cultural exposure, the fact that one's parent[s] is/are exposed to so much safety training and counseling training that they are often better equipped to understand their kids...and the latter is particularly true of military supervisors who are far better able to handle their teenagers after having had to deal with teenagers in the military for years and years.
To be sure, there are kids who have bad experiences being a military brat - but the vast majority are better off, hands down.
5 - Kim Gilbert
Odd, I was just feeling sorry for my kiddos the other day. We have had no snow to speak of at all this winter. no sledding, no skidding, no nothing. One of my four asked me to tell them about being in Connecticut as a kid. I did. Then another asked for a story from Hawaii. I felt sad that my children who have had all the "stability" we once longed for, long for the variety I had.Your right, my childhood is not theirs and theirs is not mine. That is not a bad thing though. I say embrace your own life and bloom where your planted, or transplanted!