Ends: Tales of the Gold Monkey is canceled. I mostly forget about Collins until he reappears 15 years later as minister with seven children in 7th Heaven. I breathe great sigh of relief at my close escape.
Significance: Begins life-long weakness for conventionally cute blonds.
Harrison Ford
Begins: Approximately 20 minutes into The Empire Strikes Back, when Han Solo ventures out into the frozen wastes to save Luke. Flowers into full force passion the following year in first scene of Raiders of the Lost Ark, reinforced by surreptitious viewing of the very R-rated Bladerunner.
Ends: Upon reading in a Seventeen magazine article that Ford is older than my father. I struggle to convince myself the age difference does not matter, experiencing brief rekindling of affection during film Witness. His Caesar haircut in Presumed Innocent is the final nail in our relationship’s coffin.
Significance: First, although by no means last, instance of my affections evaporating when I realize object of said affections reminds me of my Dad.
C. Thomas Howell
Begins: Upon viewing The Outsiders, my heart is overwhelmed by the young tough but sensitive Ponyboy. Although The Outsiders is known for launching the careers of such luminaries as Tom Cruise, Matt Dillon, Rob Lowe and Ralph Maccio, I only have eyes for C., even going so far as to fight with my cousin over a picture of him in Teen Beat magazine which happens to be on the other side of a Michael Jackson picture and therefore sacrosanct to my cousin. Our romance blossoms through his next three films, Tank, Grandview U.S.A, and Red Dawn, a film that earns my enmity for killing off my true love.
Ends: Howell becomes the first, last, and only man to whom I ever write a fan letter, a letter which he does not return, despite the fact that his career soon enters what will be a 20-year dry spell in which I suspect he had plenty of spare time.
Significance: Begins life-long weakness for sensitive guys who never write or call.
Article comments
1 - Amrita
This is hilarious! Even if my jaw dropped with the Stephen Collins thing (no comments on Shatner) :P
And you're never too old for imaginary boyfriends!
2 - Friend Mouse
Outstanding and very funny! I'm right there with you on "ultimately Nathan Fillion who earns coveted 'Spaceship Captain for Life' designation." And personally I'd have to add Johnny Depp (starting with 21 Jump Street and not yet ending) and Christian Slater (c. Heathers).