There are men who blatantly and openly check up on their partners. Now I have been accustomed to this for some time, as all my exes and present boyfriend have done it. Relationships are based on trust, but when one partner suspects the other is cheating, it seems many of us are quick to start snooping and spying.
Why do men think its okay for them to have female friends? I am guessing they are thinking if it doesn't work out with a woman, they will have a female friend to fall back on. I am not saying it is right, just saying.
Why we can't have male friends? I am guessing the guy doesn't trust himself alone with a woman and assumes that you will be sleeping with your male friends. If there are all these trust issues, that should be a red flag.
My question is, what makes a great relationship? I think a great relationship is made up of communication, trust, sex, same thoughts (less arguing), and same interests (e.g.: bowling, playing cards, darts, golf, camping).
I trust people no matter if they are friends or lovers. I always trust, but when it comes to me having male friends and having a giggle, the partner gets a bit miffed. It is okay for a man to have female friends, but not vice versa. Why is this?
I have my flawless logic to add to this. I have been trying to figure this one out for years. It seems like everyone I have dated has the double standard that its okay for them to talk to women friends that they knew before they met me, or that are ex's, but as soon as I mention the fact I still talk to old guy friends or ex's, they go ballistic. I just don't get it. They expect me to sever ties with my guy friends, yet if I expect them to do the same, they refuse and make it a "you won't control me issue".
Article comments
1 - Cindy
Zane,
I like your flawless logic!
My best friend (for 25 years) is male. It's never been an issue. My husband has had female friends--even one he had dated while we were separated remained his friend for awhile. I liked her. Unfortunately for her, he liked me. Knowing that might have been what made that work.
As for men who are interested in strip clubs or lap dances, I have never been interested in those men (well, not for more than say a night or so). What, you say? There are men who aren't interested in T&A? Well, I have to admit maybe not a lot, but there are. And if there were none (and I were single) I would have to really work hard at trying to become gay...again.
Fun reading!
2 - Dr Dreadful
Basically the whole premise of When Harry Met Sally - that men and women can't be friends - is bollocks.
One of my wife's best friends is male and it doesn't bother me in the least. She goes to his house quite often without me and the only reason I fret is that he lives out in the sticks, she stays quite late sometimes and it's a long, dark drive home.
Likewise, I've had several good women friends over the years - in fact one of my oldest and closest friends is female. I've always worked in female-dominated jobs anyway, so I'm used to and more comfortable with being around women.
I think men and women size each other up pretty quickly with regard to whether there might be anything sexual and/or romantic between them. If there isn't, then the door is open to form a good and lasting friendship, shorn of any messy subtext.
The trick is to avoid a close friendship where there is such a subtext - especially if one or both of you is already in a relationship!
3 - Cindy
Oh Dr.D!
I loved When Harry Met Sally! Too bad I apparently forgot what the point was! LOL
Oh well!
4 - Dr Dreadful
I think the point of the movie was supposed to be the close platonic friendship between Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan's characters (that was how it was marketed, at any rate, IIRC), but it being Hollywood of course they had to fall in love with each other at the end. Blaaargh.
5 - Cindy
LOL, true about Hollywood. I liked their friendship best, I must admit.
Here is a weird thing. When I was 17 in my 1st year of college. My mother's husband worked as a grip at Universal Studios. He met Billy Crystal and wanted to set me up on a date with him. He was filming a show called Billy Liar though I don't know if it was ever produced as I never saw it.
Anyway. I went to the studio and got to be there among the filming crew. Billy Crystal was no big star then. So, Billy Crystal said yes, but I said no. I was in love with some character named Ron, from college, in the typical young woman fashion of picking a loser over someone who turns out to be a good guy.
And that is my what would have happened if story...(sigh)
6 - soandso
Shouldn't a person's best friend be his or her spouse? If you can't be your spouse's best friend, why would you marry him or her? For sex only?
7 - Cindy
soandso,
Well, I guess it depends on what you mean by "friend". What I meant is, of my friends, my best one is male. I didn't mean my husband isn't my "best friend" in the sense you are using the word.
But looking at your word "should"...I am not so sure about "shoulds". For example, does a partner have to fulfill every need to be worthy of partnership? My husband and I have as excellent a relationship as I've ever seen. But, but he's not an investigator of ideas. I could never sit and discuss ideas at length and in depth with him as I do with my friend. He would listen certainly, and be appreciative. But, it's not his passion. That's okay with me. I have a friend to fill that need.
8 - crystal
My husband has a BIG problem with me having a guy friend, both him and I are married and are happpy in our marriages...so why is it such a big deal??? Why can't a female and male be friends and not be accused of having sex with eachother??
9 - elizer
i dont carew