Masters of Horror Interview : Baron Von Goolo - Page 2

Okay, well, never is a bit of an exaggeration but hardly ever.

What’s the scariest haunted house you ever attended?

In total honesty, the scariest haunted house I’ve ever been to is right here in Portland. The proprietor allows his actors to swing real axes and other bladed metal tools at his customers. In dim lighting. From around corners. I can honestly say I’ve never been so scared in a haunted house in my life.

Do you still find time to attend haunted houses?

Oh, I suppose. But once you’ve seen one high school kid in a hockey mask, you’ve seen them all.

What inspires you to create?

My sources for creativity are endless! For example, vanity inspired me to answer these wonderful questions just so I could see my name on someone else’s web site. In about twenty minutes, hunger is going to inspire me to create a sandwich. I’m terribly creative.

Are you married?

No. Well, yes. I mean, legally I guess you would say I’m a widower but thanks to a Haitian friend of mine. Well, let’s just say that the dear departed Mrs. Von Goolo didn’t stay departed long. Now she kind of loiters.

How is your wife involved in the business?

I keep her in a box, and for a dollar, children can feed her through a slot in the door. That gal of mine sure can put on a show.

Do you ever get scared anymore?

Absolutely. And as long as C-SPAN keeps broadcasting I don’t see that changing.

What is Fear?

Fear is impressive. I saw them once with Black Flag and The Minutemen on the Sunset Strip in the '80s. Kids today and their music – hilarious! K-Fed can eat a bag of my dairy-white butt.

Who’s your average customer?

I believe his name is Rick. Or Ross maybe. Anyway, nice guy. About 5’10.”

Who’s the main competition in your market and why?

“Competition” is relative. I actually have enormous respect, admiration and in some cases fondness for five out of the six other haunts in town and we all get along quite well.

That sixth haunt is also very nice. I mean the way that it is now: how it’s not on fire or anything.

What are your five-year goals?

Oh please. I’m lucky if I know what I’m having for dinner more than ten minutes ahead of time.

Article Author: hauntedreport

iamlegend is the full time chief editor and blogger for several blogs, but confesses that The Haunted Report is his favorite. It covers the haunted house/horror market. Basically, if it tries to scare the crap out of you... we cover it.

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