I love my family and my husband is good to me, but his mood swings drive me crazy. He can be demanding and also mean with his words. On the other hand, he can be the most wonderful husband a girl could ask for. I live well, and do not want for anything.
However, he has some serious control issues. He controls all of the finances, and I have to ask for money, and state what it is for. Then he gives me just enough to cover what I need. Possessions have never meant anything to me. I want peace, and a life that is calm and loving.
I also feel a strong need to make a difference in this world, being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I want to o help those in need, especially children. My husband would rather I keep being a stay-at-home Mom with the cleanest house on the block. I love that aspect of my life, but my soul needs more.
More than a few times I have almost called it quits, but his two children lost their Mom to cancer almost 4 years ago and I just can not leave them. I love them like my own, and refuse to put them through another loss. I also really love my husband. This is my 3rd marriage and I need this to work.
I feel like I'm sitting on the shore watching all the boats pass by, an onlooker to my own life. I wonder if I am just a whiner that will never be happy. Should I just suck it up and be quiet ... or is my life seriously passing me by?