Dear Elsa,
I've been going through a lot of trouble with my spouse lately. I've asked him to leave, but he refuses. And I can only push him so far, before I give in and let him stay. I know he should go - it would be best for everyone involved. But when he's begging to stay, I just can not tell him to leave.
I guess what I want to know is, how do you let go?
Signed,
Lost
Dear Lost,
Such a simple letter, but your chart is revealing. I know you’re overwhelmed. You’re plumb up a creek - and if you read here regularly, you might expect I’m going to tell you to just throw the bastard out.
But you’re not going to get away with that, are you? Obviously not. And I’m sorry. See, to kick him out, you need BOUNDARIES. And with a massive Neptune transit like yours, you’re just not going to be able to maintain any. Because it’s just like you say: you draw a line and it disappears. You put up a wall and it melts.
So here’s my idea: start thinking about slipping out yourself. And I have an example of this, that I learned in a self defense class I took.
The instructor was going over different ways a woman might be attacked. In one of them, the attacker literally picks a woman up in a bear hug, lifts her off the ground and carries her to a waiting van. And you know what most women do when that happens? Ninety nine percent of the time, they tense up. They'll tense every muscle in their body, which makes them ultra easy to carry.
But you know what? In that situation, if you go completely LIMP... it becomes inordinately difficult to carry “the body”. In fact, most of the time you will slip down to the ground, where you can kick a kneecap, get your ass up and RUN!
So you get the picture. You can get out, but you need to be tricky. Start thinking along these lines – escape – and I think you’ll find your way.
Good luck.
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Article comments
1 - Victor Lana
Interesting advice, Elsa. My only problem is this: why does someone stay when he or she is not wanted? I'm sure you've got lots of answers, but I don't understand the psychology of it.
You don't want me but I'm not going anywhere? How is that healthy for him either?
Maybe it's the "astrology" of it and has nothing to do with psychology. Hmmmm.
2 - elsa
Thanks Victor. She didn't specify, but I got the impression he was alcoholic.
In other cases...well I think there are some people out there that'll hold a partner captive if they can. Not wanting to move ahead for any number of reasons, the make it very difficult for the partner to get out.
"I'm miserable, and by God, I'm going to make sure you're same..."