Dear Elsa,
I'm newly — and quite happily — married to the person I fully believe to be my soulmate. We hardly ever argue and, when we do, we fight fair for the most part. We relate to one another like we've been best friends since shortly after birth.
But there's this peculiar dynamic that concerns me. She's what I call a "simmerer". See, it's in my nature to be irreverent with someone I'm comfortable with. I think out loud and, inevitably say something that she will perceive as insensitive. I usually wish I'd thought before opening my mouth, but it's typically too late. And then she'll simmer about it — never getting loud or vocal — sometimes for quite a while.
How long she'd stay upset, I don't really know... because I work really hard to "bring her back". This action alone often causes resentment on my part. I think to myself, "What if I didn't care enough?" I had to do this on our honeymoon. Here we were in Australia (and admittedly I did something stupid and immature to prompt it), but I felt the "punishment" was totally out of proportion to the offense.
Yet, when we do make up... things are as good as ever (for now, at least). But nothing makes me more upset than her being upset. I feel like my world is out of whack and off-balance. Quite honestly, she doesn't seem nearly as concerned. If anything, she's trying to prove a point of some kind. Bottom line is that it's draining for the both of us — and we value our marriage too much to let it continue.
Are we forever doomed to this dynamic; this pout-and-make-up pattern? Does it have an astrological basis?
Help!
Curiouser and Curiouser
Dear Curiouser,
Okay, listen up. You are right. She is not as concerned. She is a double Sagittarius, you are a double Libra. In fact, you have you Sun, Moon, Mercury, Mars, Pluto, and Uranus in Libra. That is one hell of a lot of Libra and guess what Libra rules? Partnerships! Marriage. So get this loud and clear:
NO ONE IS AS CONCERNED ABOUT “RELATIONSHIPS” AS YOU ARE! Your entire life is about “the other”. And I am not being critical. I am just saying, this is the way it is and if you can come to understand that other people have wildly different priorities, it will save you copious amounts of grief.
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