Dear Elsa,
I have been dating a man for four years now. He has been very supportive of me emotionally at a time when I especially needed someone to make me feel loved and accepted. He is very focused on me, watching me all the time and telling me he wants to take care of me. He sometimes complains that my mood is not what is called for; i.e., I am not romantic enough or focused enough on him. His ultimate ambition is a successful relationship with his woman.
I've had the experience of a long-term relationship with a man who was emotionally distant and I was miserable, so I know the value of finding a man who wants to be emotionally close. The problem is finances. He has a good job, but he never has really aspired to anything more than just a job. He also has a lot of debt from his first marriage. I've worked hard to gain a post-graduate degree and have taken some risks that have enabled me to make more money.
One of my priorities in a marriage is that we be able to attain an above average standard of living. I fear that I would be settling for something less than that if I were to marry this man. And yet, I know that money does not make happiness.
We are both in our 40s and he is a Libra. What do you think?
Unsure
Dear Unsure,
I think I can make this very simple for you, so I’m going to do that first and then I’m going to make this hard. Here is the simple solution: Leave him! Could you do it? I’m guessin’ you’d be cryin’ for this guy within a week and crying even harder six months down the road.
Because you've had four years with this guy, and you aren’t complaining about all kinds of things. Things like sexual incompatibility. Things like “He cheated on me.” Things like “This guy is a bore!”
Article comments
1 - Debby
As a woman with Venus (and the Sun and Mars and Mercury) in the 8th house I think Elsa is spot on.
I've lived with a guy for about 7 years - he is a very good and sensitive man (we're still freinds), but he used to work very long hours (one of those hi-tech slaves), so money wasn't an issue. However, all the other "currencies", as Elsa puts it, were missing for me as I need a much deeper and emotionally closer relationship than most people and he was just too busy for that. Well, except for sex - after all it doesn't take that long, you can squeeze it in your busy schedule, but I lost interest in sex myself because I wasn't getting the deep and intimate relationship I needed. Though he was sensitive and caring and he loved me, but he had very little free time. So, you know, money is nice, but it's the least of my priorities. I need exactly the kind of man and relationship described by you.
Life is not a fairytale so nothing is perfect and we need to compromise, so it's really a matter of priorities. Most men that have an above average income are focused on their career or business and not on you. Men who can satisfy your (or at least my) emotional needs are men whose ultimate ambition is indeed a successful relationship with their woman, men who are focused on relationships, so being less focused on career and finance usually comes with it. And there aren't too many men who are focused on relationships. So it usually really comes down to choosing between those two alternatives because they usually don't coexist. Of course you might be the lucky one to find the exception to that rule :-)