Dear Elsa,
I feel I have been badly betrayed by a friend.
I don't think she's been a real friend to me since my ex-boyfriend committed suicide ten years ago. She was really strange about it afterwards. I don't know if it's the stigma of suicide, or if she has misplaced guilt. She was the last one to see him alive, so maybe she thinks she could have said or done something differently?
Anyway, my life is on the up and up lately. I'm happily married and have a nice home, and yet... she has been getting nastier with me. I am at the point where I want to give up. I've heard she is slandering me behind my back and I am at the point where I'm afraid to share confidences with her. We live in a smallish town; you may know how that is.
We've been friends for almost twenty years, and shared some great times. But I think we may just be good together for the fun times and not the rainy days when the going gets tough. What do you see in our charts... can this friendship be salvaged?
Thank you for any help you can give me.
Potential Ex-friend
Dear Potential,
I’m sorry, but I think you should keeping trying to work this out. I don’t think this is an easy path, but I do think it is in your best interest. Because at this point you have too many loose ends and if you try to just hack the relationship off, it will be like cutting your own arm off... very hard to stop the bleeding.
The grown-up thing to do is to quit counting her transgressions, or speculating about her motives. Instead, approach her and talk to her like an adult. Nothing but good can come of this. You will undoubtedly learn something and whatever it is will be valuable.
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