It's Almost KOOKS DAY! - Page 2

(Warning: Due to content the following might be objectionable to some. Please, if offended by sexual overtones, *skip* this account.)

Some 15-odd years ago, while waiting to board a Greyhound bus at 2AM, I looked up to see a peculiar sight.

An old, slightly balding man with two days' worth of stubble pacing back and forth. He wore faded jeans covered with red markered phrases written down his pant legs. "Democrats are Communists", "Reagan was Right" and "Jesus is Coming - Are You Ready?" leapt from his legs. He carried a large white box under his arm.

As the terminal loudspeaker that announced my bus was boarding, I must have been vibing like a kook magnet because this man made a beeline towards me.

"This your bus?" he asked.

When I answered in the affirmative, he said, "Mine too! You mind helping me?" and pointed to a second box a few feet away.

I had no luggage. I had gotten a cheap, visceral thrill from his pants. So I helped him with the other box.

On board, the man stuffed his boxes overhead and then sat down next to me. As the bus began its journey into night, he said, "Do you like my pants? My name is Hugh Clayton, but I'm sometimes known as 'Chickenman'."

The nickname should've been a big clue as to what would follow, but I was still young and oh-so naive.

As the bus drove on, 'Chickenman' explained his mission. He had one thousand copies of a many-paged manifesto, which he was taking to Washington DC to give to as many Republican congressional members as he could.

He didn't plan to give any to the Democrats, calling them, "a collection of liberal degenerates, militant homosexuals, slobs, bums, traitors and worthless bureaucrats." He added, "They should all be executed if you ask me."

"Aren't you being a little rough?" I asked.

"No, not at all," he exclaimed, "Give them even one inch and they'll run right over you. See, you're young but I've been around. I'm 52 years old. I was once a psychologist. I graduated from Harvard."

Article Author: Pete Petrisko

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