Hi Elsa,
I've been dating a Virgo man since April. When things are good, they're great and I'm giddy. When things are bad, they're so bad I just want to call the whole thing off. It's a constant rollercoaster and I just can't figure it out.
On top of that, he hasn't said "I love you" yet. I've never had a relationship where the man did not say those words for this long. But he has said that I may be "The One" and that he's thinking of things in the long-term. He claims he has never told anyone this before.
I'm just not sure if he's for real. Is he in love with me? Help!
Help!
Uncommitted and un-"I love you"-ed
Dear Un,
Does he love you? Before you worry about that, ask yourself this: do you love him? Because it really doesn’t sound like you’re getting what you need - a sense of security, for example.
Considering you're a Cancer with Venus in Cancer, this is a number one consideration. You want to be clinging to something that is real. And since you don’t know, you are understandably stressed. So here are some ideas.
Number one, ask him. “Do you love me?” After all, you need to know!
Don’t laugh and don’t say, “I’d never...” Why wouldn’t you? Look at how freaked you are. If this is all this guy can deliver, you may as well find out so you can cut your losses. The idea is to get your needs met. If he loves you, he will start meeting some of your needs and if not, you’ll want to look for someone else.
And I’m sorry. I understand you are invested here, but a rollercoaster does not sound like something you should sign up for the long term. Bottom line, you should not have to be guessing where he stands because it doesn’t work for you.
I’m not saying he won’t step up, because he very well might. Tell him what you want. Do you know what you want? You want someone put their arms around you and tell you that they love you. You want to FEEL it. If he can’t do that, I’d move along. But catch the point here. You want to focus on your feelings, not his.
Good luck.
~~
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Article comments
1 - Johny
If he can't do that, I'd move along. But catch the point here. You want to focus on your feelings, not his.
Johny
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2 - swingingpuss
If you ask me - he is milking the cow for free... a few fences around the cow might do the trick.
3 - pogblog
Holy moly -- only since April? In my heyday (or re swingingpuss -- my hayday), this would be about time to think shyly about holding hands, least of all saying "I love you"!
Of course the lovely repression meant that blue flame passed between your hands if they brushed (by mistake) as you strolled. I mean it. At night you could see the blue flame.
4 - elsa
pogblog - and then there's the folks like me who know within minutes of spotting the beloved. There is no cliff I'd rather jump from... the cliff of love! :D
5 - Natalia
I'm in the EXACT same scenario, minus the long term thing. I am a Cancer female and he's a Virgo and I get so sick of playing guessing games. It's like he admits that there's a mutual "thing" between us but nothing has been made official. He admits he enjoys "spending time with me" or he'll get a lil jealous if he feels another male presence is in my life, yet we are at a stand still with how our relationship is evolving. I really like him and want to be with him, but I get a little uneasy because there's an underlying fear of biting off more than I can chew...since he's so 'reserved' I dunno what suprises might come out, personality-wise from him. And much like the initial woman who submitted the blog, I feel her pain, sometimes you just want to be so understanding and patient even with so many ppl telling you to cut him loose or be patient. Every Virgo man I've dealt with has put me through the coaster, I try not to write someone off because of their sign but it's like the same thing over and over. The one's in the past, I've said "screw it" without giving that time to see how things would grow so this time around I was trying to give someone a chance...and now I'm back to square one. Just staying stagnant. We have so much in common too, as far as what we want from life but he just won't move from point 'a' to point 'b' in our relationship.
6 - RAI
Hey, Im in a similar situation. Only im a scorpio woman dating a virgo male. Point blank virgo men are complicated!!! If you love this virgo man youre with you need to be very PATIENT!! The last thing a virgo wants is to feel rushed, just relax take your time and believe before you know it things will fall in place. I dont know how lomg youve been with your virgo but if and when a virgo man falls in love with you, it will take time for him to say what hes really feeling because they work different. It took mine 6 months to tell me and well, lets just say thats a good thing because it also gives you as the other half of the relationship time to think about how you really feel. One great thing about virgo men is that they are extremly loyal. He wont waste your time and if he wants out believe me he wont sugar coat anything and youll know. I will say that when you love some one you have to remain positive and hope for the best so, sweetie if youre in love be patient and I can gurantee you that in the end youll be glad you did. Youll have the envy of all woman. (the perfect man!!) Believe me, its worthe it. I waited and it was very much worth it!!! GOOD LUCK :)
7 - prianka
Im dating a virgo man myself. He's cool, straighforward , genuine and a nice guy to hang out with. I'm seriuosly considering of marriage.. I guess virgos are worth it for they does'nt look around like a gemini(no offense) nor does the superficial flirtation like a piscean:).nor do they want to be the boss alwys loke a loen(again no offense) If he's yours he's only yours..
8 - Lucy
I'm a gemini with venus and mercury and cancer dating a sagittarius guy with mars in virgo (and venus in capricorn) and I've noticed a lot of the same virgo qualities that you all mention-- being hard to understand, slow, not very communicative- but at the same time I feel like it's him taking time to come around and fully let himself be himself around me. While it's often very frustrating because I need to feel the emotional connection and heartfelt communication constantly (and he can't always deliver), I feel he is completly loyal and he tells me he loves me and I believe him. But I do agree that the cancer/virgo match is sometimes frustrating for those of us with strong cancer influences.
9 - Jenny
YAY! Another one that believes the stars really influences a relationship!! I'm getting to know an aquarian man, and I will tell you it's NOTHING like the Taurus or Cancers I've dated.. just so much tougher to break the ice, get through to them.. or really just understand that they are really on board they are just not showing it.. It's tough! Great blog! :)
10 - PRIYA
I WAS SUPOOSED TO BE HOOKED UP WITH A VIRGO MAN(ARRANGED MARRIAGE TYPES).. hE'S FROM THE US (AN INDIAN THOUGH).WE SPOKE FOR 2 MONTHS AND HE FELT HE REALLY LIKED ME . ALSO SAW ME ON THE WEB CAM SO MANY TIMES.. WE ALSO HAD A GREAT TIME OVER THE PHONE. HE CAME DOWN TO SEE ME AND WE HUNG OUT A FEW TIMES. FINALLY HE WAS NOT ABLE TO DECIDE. PRECISELY DID NOT WANT TO SAY YES OR A NO. BUT SINCE HIS FOLKS COMPELLED HIM TO KIND OF AGREE HE BECAME APPREHENSIVE ( DID NOT WANT TO BE PUSHED)AND LEFT HALF HEARTEDLY SAYING A NO. i'M PERPLEXED AS I REALLY LIKED THIS MAN AND ITS KIND OF TOUGH TO ACCEPT THIS SITUATION NOW. i TRIED CALLING HIM UP A FEW TIMES AND HE SPOKE TO ME WELL BUT HAS NOT TOLD ME TO ANYTHING. INFACT HE WANTS ME TO MOVE ON IF I WANTED TO..:(
11 - new
lol this is something really weird ahhaha
12 - Pebbles
I just want to ask when you tell a man how you really feel and you tell him you might want to lose your virginity to him and he says that he doesn't want you do lose it to anyone else but he doesn't call you this is cancer and virgo and I might be in love with him.
13 - How To Get A Girl
It all depends upon how much time the partners spend together. More closer you are, stronger the bond becomes.