What images come to mind when you visualize Honor? Medieval knights jousting for the hand of a fair maiden? Sir Walter Raleigh laying his magnificent cape in the muddy street so his lady's feet don't get soiled? Soldiers riding off to war to defend the "honor" of their country?
A working definition of Honor is "respect or esteem that has been earned." Contemplate that for a moment. It would be very special to earn the respect and esteem of our family, our friends, our co-workers, our community, wouldn't it? If anything, it is of even more moment to honor yourself. Those who are successful and happy earn their own self-respect and self-esteem.
There is much more to Honoring yourself than simply having self-respect and self-esteem. Yet because the concept of Honor is so uncommon today, in daily conversation I often fall back upon the terms "self-respect" or "self-esteem" when I am briefly describing that special quality that defines the meaning of our lives.
In addition to respect, Honor also connotes a sense of nobility. If I Honor myself, certainly I respect myself and value my life, but there is more. When I Honor myself, I am confident of my being, and I am gentle with myself. I have nothing to prove to anyone else or to myself. My value is unquestioned.
Unfortunately, there is a risk of confusing Honor with self-importance – "pride" in its biblical sense. Ego is the "shadow" – the dark side – of Self-Honor. There is probably no human virtue that does not have a shadow side. The shadow of generosity is meddling. The shadow of serenity is complacency. Never diminish the value of a quality or emotion based on the negative effects of carrying that virtue to excess.
If you doubt the virtue in Self-Honor, remember what the flight attendant says: "Put your own oxygen mask on first." You are of no use to anyone else if you have not taken care of your own needs first. This includes your own emotional, as well as physical, well-being. In addition, your greatest value to your children, your family, your friends, and your community is the example you set, leading a great life that inspires those around you to emulate your being.
Article comments
1 - Jeanne Browne
Thank you for this well-written and very true description of how we can be the best we can be and appreciate ourselves without false pride. I think your post comes at an opportune time, since many Americans have been involved in honoring the life of Ted Kennedy -- a man who learned to overcome his flaws and shortcomings by honoring himself as well as his family legacy. I look forward to checking out your blog.
2 - jonolan
There is still the question of what is Honor vs. what is Pride.
Is it honorable to stand by ones' principles if, by doing so, one puts innocents that one was charged with protecting in danger? Or is that merely pride and the need of an egoist to "feel good" about themselves?