The Question:
There is this girl at my church I think might like me. Every time I get a chance to say something to her I don't because I'm really shy. What can I say or do to break the ice?
The Answer:
The challenge here is that you really like her and really want her to like you - and that's the problem. That wanting translates into fear - fear of rejection, fear of failure, and fear of being alone.
Stop! Let's go through this together so you will be able to approach her with ease the next time you see her.
She's a regular person, just like you.
Don't put her on a pedestal just because you like her. This is one of the biggest mistakes men make with women, which is why they strike out so often. Remember, she's a regular person, just like you; so treat her that way. Be nice, friendly, and most of all, confident in yourself. You wouldn't be shy talking to one of your guy friends or a girl that you have no interest in, right? Treat her like that - just one of your friends.
Men and women aren't nearly as different as we all like to believe. At the end of the day we're all people with needs, feelings, hopes, and dreams. We all need friends and companionship.
How can you tell if she likes you?
When you talk with her, notice how you feel. Do you feel like you want her to like you, or do you feel that she does like you? Is there a strong surge of energy, a magical spark between the two of you? Down deep, you'll know if she really likes you. You can feel it. Trust your gut.
Warning: Many guys make a big deal about asking a girl if she likes them. Don't ever do that. You'll put her on the spot and she'll have to choose without getting to know you first. It's like deciding if you want to buy a car without ever sitting in it.
The key here is confidence and belief in you. Listen for what's in your heart, not for what you want to be there. If you're too nervous to even talk without stuttering, then you won't be able to read your gut feelings. It's very important to get a grip on yourself and just relax.
Article comments
1 - Brad Schader
Before you approach any woman, tell yourself it's perfectly okay if she doesn't go out with you. Heck, it's perfectly fine if she doesn't like you at all. Your life will be no different than it is now, but you will have more experience in approaching women. That's it.
Thank you for that. It is something I think I knew, but reading it really helps drive it home.
2 - Baronius
There's some really great advice in this article. One thing I'd add (or emphasize), most people enjoy spending time with people who like them. She'll probably be happy that someone is expressing interest in her. I know I'd rather stand around with someone who likes me than stand around by myself.
If the two of you don't click, that's fine. It could be either of you that discovers that you don't work well together. At least you get the experience: both the awkward experience of approaching a gal, and however much of a pleasant time the two of you share. It's way better than not trying.
3 - duane
How to approach her - the magical ice breaker
... Let her feel you out.
I'm not sure, but I think before that happens the ice has to be pretty much broken, melted, heated, and turned into steam.
4 - jacob
Thanks for the advice, it was just what i needed. For some reason i don't feel scared to tell her how i feel now. "Im gonna do it".
5 - dd
Valuable, good wisdom. thanks