Here's the question - is it LEGAL to expose a cheater or abuser online? I remind you that this piece contains my personal OPINION only and was written for the purpose of consideration and discussion.
In short, it appears the current answer is YES. But this could change in the very near future.
Most of these type of sites have rules for exposing the people listed. The current interpretation seems to say if you have proof to back up what you say, and it is truthful, it is not libel or slander. But remember, laws can be changed with enough pressure.
One site that exposes cheating men recently had a group attempt to launch a lawsuit against them. Guess what happened? Other than whining & moaning about how the cheaters and their families were harmed? Not much. The cheaters website was looking for advertisers and money to help support their "cause." Besides, now there are so many choices of sites available to expose people, both men and women! These sites have very specific terms of use - honesty is a must and the onus is on the poster. Site owners and posters believe the men are angry they have been caught and exposed.
Recently I was asked if most of these abusers and cheaters feel ashamed, sorry or sad about what they have done. My answer: "Not that I have seen!! In fact, it seems that they usually become indignant, angry and lash out at the person(s) that exposed the truth about them. They only "feel sorry" to try to rope the victim into saying nothing about them and to stop the tide of truth from exposing all the rest of their evil deeds." Sad? Yes they are. Sad they got caught. And some of them do clean up their act for a few weeks, months or even years - but usually go RIGHT BACK to it and are sneakier about it next time.
If you consider that many of these people fall into a destructive narcissistic pattern you will find that many of them will go to therapy or even make long confessions to their partners. Once they find themselves "CURED" (I use that term loosely because deep down they justify and see NOTHING wrong with their behaviors) they will, step by step, go right back to their predatory ways either online or off. Being an online cheater is an addiction and takes a lot of honesty and giving up personal time to break an addiction or not trade it for something equally addicting and destructive.
Article comments
1 - texanrose
Gee, that opens up another way that we could be victimized again, however, I do believe that victims of these type of predators should be allowed a voice. It is ok to print the all ready public stuff such as the criminal backgrounds as that is all public anyway. However, it takes common sense not to publish the addresses or phone numbers of the predators, think in my opinion of the law, they are protected. We as victims need to change the laws, so that if predators find their victims on the internet, they should be banned from ever using a computer again, or any form of communication that will allow them to find a victim. Remember I became a victim through the United States Postal System. The good old snail mail approach. Sometimes the laws will never cover what they need to cover, and predators being predators will always find a loophole. We need to continue to educate the public so that there will be less victims, and more justice.
2 - Purple Tigress
I don't believe the Web site allows the publication of addresses and phone numbers. This isn't the only site and this site doesn't post photos. I know of another Web site where photos can be posted.
The laws about defamation of character, slander and libel require that the information be untrue, the person targeted have his/her reputation seriously damaged and that person must not be a public figure.
The Web site in question doesn't seem to allow for outside search (in other words, allowing the names of the cheaters to be subject to key word searches). So the exposure to peers that would constitute damage isn't there.
I think something that might be more open to litigation would be the sale of photos of ex-girlfriends on eBay. The sale of images for profit usually requires a signed release form.
3 - Fighter
the following websites are "exposure sites." some, I noted DO allow for a person's information (not the ones mentioned in the article)
datingpsychos.com
ripoffreport.com
also if you surf someone's nickname, sometimes their real name can be found and a quick perusal thru zabasearch or bigyellow can pretty much tell you anything you want to know.
4 - Ann
Wow!! Great article - a lot of things I never really thought about or paid much attention to!
5 - OneOfSeven
Fantastic article and it will be quite interesting to see how this all plays out. When exposing the psychopath/sociopath, abuser, cheater, bigamist, the con artist---keep in mind the definitions of defamation, slander, and libel. If you expose, be prepared to back up your statements with court documentation and other concrete evidence of the abuser's behavior. And let us not forget the rights given to us under the First Amendment of the US Constitution....VERY IMPORTANT!
6 - Shelly
I love the article! It is so true when she asks "What are we to do with our pain?" Many people don't understand the agony that a victim goes through without closure. On our site, we talk about closure in our free turtorial--there is conceptual closure (the ideal kind) and retrobutive closure (the kind that makes you feel great and requires nothing from the abuser). These exposure sites are the second kind. Go check it out.
Thanks Fighhter for a great article.
7 - Charlie
You are completely off base, my current wife is pissed off about a post about myself by a vindictive ex, that I had arrested because she's a psycho. If you support these kind of people, and the lies they spread, then you are one too. I'm seriously considering filing suit, because everything taht was said about me was a lie, nothing can be proved, however I can prove the obosite, court records and arrest records don't lie.
8 - Jane
Great article! The owners of websites like womansavers.com and bashmyex.com are not liable because they are not the authors. If untruths are posted, it is up to the accused party to prove what the author wrote is false. These types of websites are protected under 1996 Communications Decency Act and also the First Amendment, Freedom of Speech.
9 - Anonymous
This site allows pictures to be posted, however they post pictures of the women their ex's lied to as well. Most of the posts are vicious, lies and the mods back up the ones that have been cheated on. Names and names of towns/cities are posted with the pictures, as well as places these people can be found. This opens a can of worms. If the posted person (usually a woman)not the man that cheated, where to be hurt or killed, who is liable. Where is thier protection under law. Because the spouse cheated, does that make it ok for the other person to be victimized either by the spouse that feels justified by their actions because they are angry and hurt? Last time I checked you cant batter someone or hit someone because you are angry. So, it is lawful to put them and possible family members in jeopardy? I would hope in this country it is not the case.
10 - Anonymous
cheaternews.com is allowing women to become endangered.
11 - TordBoontje
I found this site reading a profile posted for Phil Kassel on Don't Date Him Girl. This site does a great service and empowers women to stay safe and protect themselves from men who abuse women even through the church.
12 - Doug
It's the new companion to online dating. Its a shame that someone's history can be plastered all over the web but women need to know about men who abuse women. I'm a guy and I am friends with all women I have dated. Things ended on good terms and with men of character the woman doesn't end up despising the ex. I have a friend that was posted and although he will never admit it he deserves to be posted for what he did.
13 - Slinky
Thanks for great information. Phil Kassel and other abusers need to be exposed so that women can see the warning signs and avoid being mistreated.
14 - CMMB
I had a vindictive psycho ex boyfriend accuse me of extortion and harassment because I outed him. He is the head of a large christian faith based charity and a serial cheater, used donation money from the charity for his philandering.
He managed to marry a wealthy older woman and constantly screwed around on her. A real gem. New York City
15 - Anne
Be very careful of the con men in churches like Phil Kassel at Christian Assembly in Eagle Rock. I have to pretend to tolerate him because of work but privately I warn people to NOT go near him.