With today’s Internet, porn is something that, for the most part, will leave you alone if you aren’t looking for it. Browsers are now all equipped with standard pop-up blockers and most search engines have “safe search” options for images. (To see how well these work, do a Google image search for the word “fist” with safe search on and then with it off.) Sure, there are still a few pornographic pitfalls out there, like if you were looking up an address in Virginia and made a common typographical error, misspelling the state as rim job. Even then you would still have to click on one of the search results to be exposed to anything that would make your grandma cry. As the tides of porno begin to recede though, another menacing nuisance rises to take its place: intimate dating ads.
It seems now that whenever I am looking for news on the latest video game or trying to find a decent recipe for Turducken, I am bombarded by ad banners with scantily clad women asking for me to pleasure them. If I had one wish, it would be that my Internet experience be a wholesome one during the 7% of the time I am not using it for porn. Normally I would never consider clicking on one of these ads, but with these things swarming like a swarm of swarming bees, it was only a matter of time before I grew tired from swatting and horribly painful bee welts, and agreed to follow the bees back to their hive. (I am no bee-ologist, but I imagine that this is normal bee behavior). It was only when I started exploring these websites that I realized how deep the rabbit hole goes…err bee hive.
What are Intimate Dating Sites?
Unlike traditional dating sites like Match.com or Cupid.com, intimate dating sites are online communities to find f*** buddies. They are basically online meat markets - whether you are looking for steak, chicken, pork, lesbian, or midget. These sites also have a varying degree of people looking for long-term relationships as well. This leads me to my first concern.
Conflict of Interest
By far, the most common and most sexually gratuitous ads are for a site called Mate1. Oddly, out of all the intimate dating sites I looked at, Mate1 seemed to have the most women looking for serious relationships. Mate1 ads are like signs that read “free pizza” but lead to a sale for used ovens, which a guy could potentially use to make pizza if he bought the oven, installed it, learned how to make pizza, and still had enough money leftover to buy the ingredients. Now I am not saying ovens are bad. I love my oven. I bake in it every day. I’m just saying, these women might be disappointed when all their prospects are just looking for a Hot&Ready. Why go looking for “the one” on a site that attracts men with pictures of women falling out of their bra?