Do you have any idea about the most common dating places in Lahore?
I have noticed that for the upper middle classes, the major restaurants in Lahore, particularly those situated on M.M. Alam Road, are perfect venues. Now with the rise of consumer culture, there are more restaurants in every locality. Besides, there are parks, monuments, even houses for the lucky ones!
The Internet of course has provided an alternative space for young boys and girls to interact and even get together. Online relationships are perhaps most common.
You mean it is not that tough for lovers to spend some quiet hours together?
If you have noticed, you’ll realize that our Urdu poetries, film songs, and even classical music have allusions to the difficulty in meeting of lovers and how they are always hindered by the zaalim samaaj (heartless society). In fact the most exciting part of dating in Pakistan is this "struggle", secrecy, and mystery that surrounds the whole exercise. The concept of "invisible love" therefore becomes more exciting and entertaining for the individuals concerned.
Do parents know when their children go for dates?
Most often, parents remain in the dark. It actually depends on the socio-economic strata: there is a tiny slice of liberal/Westernized class where dating is normal and acceptable. However for the middle class, dating remains a clandestine activity. Thankfully, the lower classes are free of such notions.
We also need to draw a distinction here. Parents are far more relaxed if it is sons who are dating and not daughters. They can be tolerant of the boys. Due to social reasons and fear for "reputation", girls are expected to remain shareef virgins (decent and chaste). They have to be “nice enough” to be chosen by a good suitor and his larger-than-life mother.
Of course, this is changing with the entry of more and more women in the workplace. The new generation is more forceful in asserting its right to choose life partners.
Is it difficult to display affection in public?
It is, but it was much worse in the past. Things have somewhat opened up since General Musharraf's takeover in 1999. For instance, in places like Lawrence Gardens and Race Course Park you are likely to find couples sitting quite intimately, sometimes even lying down on the grass. These are spaces where the public display of affection is more visible.
Mr. Rumi, do you feel dating is a western concept?
Yes, I have problems with this whole expression "dating" and what it implies. The concept has a western genesis that is promoted and sustained by the popular media. It is now getting more and more embedded due to globalization. When I was young, Valentine's Day was hardly known. Now, not only the Valentine's Day, but the Mother's Day, Father's Day and other blahs blahs are sold on the consumer shelves for quick emotional gratification.
Article comments
1 - Aku
I like the note the gentleman ended on:
"The good from the tradition will survive and all the crap will end up in the dustbin of history."
I my personal opinion this is right for most, but not all issues like this in America.