Raza Rumi is a native of Lahore. He maintains the blog Jahane Rumi and writes on literature, history, and society for The Friday Times – Pakistan’s popular weekly magazine. This interview was conducted in a series of e-mail exchanges.
Mr. Rumi, you grew up in Lahore during the 90s. Have you ever dated?
Well, my dear, not in the Western sense. In our generation, and the preceding ones, it was a hushed up affair. We did not have that culture of inviting girls to dinner or dance (perhaps not even now). People would meet discreetly, away from the populated places, and find little corners in the parks and monuments. It still happens that way.
As for me, I was more of the Urdu-Persian variety of Ashiq mizaj (loosely translated - romantically inclined), and not a part of this dating paradigm. Call it passé, but I prefer the oriental Ishq (Urdu for love) - where you can yearn for someone and internalize their presence in you, rather than the commercial product known as dating.
Coming back to your question, Lahore is a conservative society. But times are changing and the recent (last 5-10 years) urbanization and "modernization" of the city has changed the so-called dating patterns as well.
How has it changed? Please explain.
The last decade has witnessed a surge of globalization. The penetration of electronic media and the Internet has accompanied urbanization and awareness. Consequently, the old value structures are crumbling and the younger generation wants to be part of the global cultural patterns that are sold as pre-requisite to 'freedom', individualism, and rise of the self.
Also, consider this: the break up of joint family systems in urban areas implies that nuclear families have increased in number. Kids are no longer constrained by restraints urged by grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins. There is an increase in 'personal' space. I am not saying if it is for good or bad, but these are the signs of our age.
Mr. Rumi, is there a healthy interaction between the opposite sexes in colleges?
It used to be very tense and difficult. It is improving now. There are generally separate educational facilities, though the higher education is mixed. Interaction is easier among cousins and other relatives. This is why weddings are a grand setting for hearts to flutter and romances to bloom.
How approachable are girls?
I am not sure what you mean, Mayank. In general they are approachable, but I fear not so approachable for 'dating' purposes. However, Internet is simplifying the matters.
Article comments
1 - Aku
I like the note the gentleman ended on:
"The good from the tradition will survive and all the crap will end up in the dustbin of history."
I my personal opinion this is right for most, but not all issues like this in America.