In the beginning and at the end.

In the beginning God created the world and the universe and all mankind, and threw in scented bath towels just for kicks.

Then he got bored and started over, and then got bored with that and left for a coffee break.

In the meantime...

The swills in the bottom of his coffee mug suddenly discovered gravity and started swirling around into a bunch of big globs made out of littler globs and
the littler globs composed still littler globs called 'planets.'

And on one planet the littlest globs of all called 'human' started to get a big head.

Rather, they started to develop heads in the first place. They thought about whether they happened to be sentient, and then realized that they were thinking
and dismissed the whole question.

They dismissed it rather too soon, if you ask me.

But that's beside the point. As I was saying, they figured out soon enough that they were figuring stuff out, and then went on to the next question: why are
we figuring stuff out?

(They did not know, you see, that God was merely on coffee break. This would have been rather a let-down)

They pondered and pondered the question for 20,000 years, and then a particularly astute little glob named Mr. Christ compelled even MORE thinking on the subject, except that now a good lot of the population was fairly sure that they had been put there for the express purpose of convincing everyone else that they had been put their for an express purpose.

(Of course, a good majority of these people did not know that God was on coffee break either. If they'd known this, it would have been something of a let-down. They did get close: they said that God rested on the 'seventh day,' and one can assume that at some point coffee would have been consumed.)

All of the little globs had their own opinions about why they were there. Most of them, probably wisely, were not willing to put much effort into the pursuit and summed up their opinions with 'A stitch in time saves nine' or 'one flew over the cuckoo's nest.'

Others were much more vehement, and were willing to actually not be their anymore if they could get an answer to the question. Some of them were willing to even make other people not be there anymore. They figured that if they killed enough people perhaps God would finally give up keeping the big secret and just tell them already.

Article Author: Sam Jack

Sam Jack is a college sophomore, and is Editor-in-Chief of the Harvard Independent. Visit him at The Harvard Independent and the Harvard Dems blog.

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