It's official. My wife is pregnant with our first child. We've been married nearly four years now and decided we were ready to take that plunge. Last Thursday night (January 12) she came home from the drug store with a pregnancy test for use at a future date since we were "trying." I was beginning to suspect that she may already be pregnant (sore breasts and a craving for cantaloupe) and instructed her to take the test right then. So she took the pregnancy test. We waited an agonizing three minutes and walked back in the bathroom to see that the faintest of faint lines had appeared. It was maddening. "What does it mean," I wondered aloud over and over again. My wife did some searches on pregnancy tests and faint lines. The data seemed to say that even a faint line usually did mean the woman was pregnant. After more research, we agreed that we should wait until the time her period was set to begin to retest and take the test first thing in the morning, when the level of hormones in the urine is highest. I went to sleep that night unsure but leaning towards the reality that she was pregnant.
Friday rolls around. We both go to work. Around 1 P.M., I receive a call from my wife telling me she just visited the student health center on the campus of the university where she works. She had taken a pregnancy test there. The doctor officially pronounced her pregnant. I get jittery. I'm nervous and excited. It was a feeling I'd never experienced before. I had the feeling that I needed to go home right then to do something, what I would have done is beyond me. A co-worker of mine today called it "nesting." I suppose it's the feeling of wanting to get everything in order before the baby arrives. I've got a little time, the due date is September 25. Knowing you'll soon be a father is such a strange and surreal feeling, unlike any I've experienced. I'm happy and excited but I have this uneasy nervousness. Just how in the hell am I going to raise a child? What kind of father will I be?
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— go to most recent comments1 - Trinket
Take several deep breaths first of all. I have three kids and I can say from experience, you NEVER feel ready to be a parent to a new little person. We planned our second child but once we realized that she was about to become a reality, panic set in. It's a big step with each & every child.
I think being concerned & questioning the kind of parent you'll be means you're on the right path already. Good parents never stop questioning their tactics & reassessing their approach.
It's trial and error. Each baby is different and you will figure out exactly what yours needs from you, that, I can promise!
2 - Matthew T. Sussman
One piece of wisdom:
This is a GREAT time to have an affair. Please go out and enjoy sexual relations with hot women who want to boink married men. Your wife is getting uglier by the minute due to pregnancy, so go nail some hot (preferably sorority) broads. Seriously, no joke. You have too much stress in your life.
GO HAVE FUN!!!
Go Packers!!! I love Brett Favre and all the interceptions he throws!!!
3 - Dave Nalle
Congratulations on the coming kid.
And remember, if you follow Suss's advice you're guaranteed a spot on Maury or Springer. Do you live in Kentucky by any chance?
Dave
4 - Scott
Nope, I'm in Florida.
Matthew - I'll think about it. A slot on Maury or Springer would be pretty sweet.
5 - Andy Marsh
someone once told me that there is no better high in the world than to watch your wife give birth to your child...as someone who has experienced a few different types of highs in my life I'm here to tell you...there is no better high in the world...than to watch your wife give birth to your child...and it was just as good the second time too!
Good luck...and don't lay on the bed tossing the baby up in the air after he/she eats...
that's all the advice I'm giving you...the rest is on you! literally if you don't heed that last bit of advice!
6 - swingingpuss
Matthew, I hope you were joking - if you say things like that no woman worth her salt would want to be with you less still have you around as the father of her baby.
Most men are proud of their wives pregnancy. Its a sign of them being fertile, of them having it in them to carry their lineage forward and of being able to take care of their brood.
Scott, here is a tip start saving money- the first few months after the birth tends to be a time when parents often go overboard in their excitement.
And congratulations its a wonderful news and enjoy the pregnancy. Its a magical journey.
7 - Bennett
Scott - I too am going to attending the birth of my son, in 10 weeks, give or take. I've raised two step kids, and I probably can't do any worse of a job than I did on that, so I think I have the low end covered. Having one of my own (that doesn't hate me from the word go) should be a remarkable difference.
My advice to you is to not panic when you go through the genetic counseling, that was rough for us as we're into the scary age group where freaky stuff may have happened to the 'ol chromosomes.
Sounds like you're in your twenties - no prob.
Trinket, Andy, and sp all gave good advise, and Matthew should be ignored this time...
Best of luck!
Oh, and refuse to play the "name game" until you know what the gender of your baby is...
8 - Victor Lana
Okay, Scott, hold onto your seat.
You're going to have a very emotional woman to deal with now. As the pregnancy takes her deeper into the first trimester, there will be morning sickness (any time of the day; don't expect it just in the morning).
She will expect more from you. A good deal more. Like everything and anything she wants. I know all the late night stores where I can get Ben and Jerry's now.
She will need her feet rubbed, her back rubbed, and her ego rubbed. Suss is a funny guy, but you have to remember that this is serious business. Even when she goes to a bloated status you're not going to believe, she wants to hear she's beautiful (and truthfully, when you love her, she will be and more).
Be in that delivery room, cut the umbilical cord, and hold that baby after they clean it off and you'll feel like it's a miracle. Watch what comes out of your wife (blood, after birth, and the kitchen sink) and you won't believe what was in there with the kid.
Oh, and it gets better as you get up every two hours to give a bottle, change diapers, replenish the bottles, help your wife pump breast milk, and find ten minutes to sleep standing up.
But when he or she calls you Daddy for the first time, you'll think it's all worth it.
Good luck, man.
9 - Scott
Thanks for all the words of wisdom so far everyone. We're having a lot fun already just by telling our family and friends. It's been great to see both of our mom's reactions.
Keep the help coming...
10 - elsa
First things first. Take care of your pregnant wife! Anyone who messes with a woman when she's pregnant will find her still pissed, twenty years after the fact. I'm not kidding about this.
11 - Eric Olsen
congrats to you and your wife Scott! It's a very exciting, disorienting time and I assure you no one ever feels "prepared" or "ready," especially for a first child. Preparing to help out with the delivery (classes, reading, etc) is a very good way to feel a competent part of the process, but always remember your wife and child are all that really counts when the time comes - you're just there to observe and help out a little if you can.
I learned this the very hard way when I tried to control things FAR more than was my place with my third child and she still resents no matter what she says. I did much better with the fourth (and final) one.
Remeber also that first births tend to be harder and take longer than subsequent natal adventures.
Just remember that during pregnancy, birth, and early infancy your job is to be a supportive and helpful as possible - it's not about you, which is tough for some of us to accept.
Best wishes to you all!
12 - diana hartman
congratulations and welcome to the wildest ride of your life...
click here and here to see pictures of my kids...no self-respecting parent misses an opportunity to show off pictures of their kids...remember this when the urge to show off 400 pictures of your newborn's first day in the world hits you with uncontrollable glee and you think later "oh my gawd, i'm one of them"...
no, you're one of us...
it's nice...
i have two in college and a 7th grader...my second is a wild child; i knew it when i was pregnant with her and she's not skipped a beat yet...i almost think i might be too jaded, that any advice i could give might not be what you need right now...
that said, i love my babies with all my put-togethers...no greater a joy have i known...it's hard not to get sappy and poetic about it...they really truly are the best time i've ever had...
i remember the anticipation and the first few moments of my children's lives as vividly now as 20, 19, and 12 yrs ago...i had the first two alone (military deployments) but my husband was a hoot at the birth of our 3rd, a girl...
i really appreciated his enthusiasm, his energy, and his freshly brushed teeth before getting in my face and coaching "he he who, he he who"...
the only word i can think to use to describe his reaction to her was fascinated...he couldn't get enough of her...he told her stories and talked to her about all manner of things...
she was a day old...
she's 12 now and she still holds for him that same fascination...
your wife might want everyone to wash their hands before touching the baby...you might too...but if you don't, make sure they do anyway because this is what she wants...it's not going to hurt anyone despite some who moan and groan that it will...they might say you're overprotective or sheltering and that you can't expect to protect the baby from everything...
that's rubbish, don't listen to them...protection is your job...do it as much as you want...
i held my children's hands when out and about until they were in middle school... and then they started holding mine...how sweet is that?
my "overprotected, sheltered" babies fly all over the world with each other, by themselves, and with friends...they are not the introverted people i was warned they would become as a result of things i did like holding them all the time, keeping them with me through many, many nights, and restricting their tv viewing...
hold your baby as much as you can...your baby will grow every single day and you'll miss it if you don't hold the baby...get to know your baby's eyes, face, lips, folds, wrinkles, tips of toes, little itsy bitsy tiny fingernails...don't be coy in public; ooh and ahh along with your baby's yawns, stretches, reflexes, and other mouth and eye movements...
help out as much as your wife needs you to...the baby's needs will exhaust you both because it's a lot of different things to do that you're not used to doing and on no particular schedule at first...no matter how tired you are, your wife is even more tired, especially if she's breastfeeding...
heads up: breastfeeding hurts like hell the first week or so...it doesn't hurt the first day or two but then it does...i don't know why more expectant parents don't get told this...my third child was 9lbs, 8 oz...i swear she was tapping my spine for milk every two hours for a week and a half...don't tell your wife that!
she will come up with her own way of telling this...just remember this if she breastfeeds and be there with whatever she needs, even if it's just sitting there next to her doing nothing...your presence is priceless, trust me...don't try to be clever or understanding, and you might not want to touch her until the pain subsides (it does with each feeding; it's the first few minutes that are bad) unless she says it's okay...otherwise, just sit there with her...
whenever i think my husband is a big stupid jerk, i make myself remember when he sat there with me -- every single time...i didn't even have to ask him to, he just did...i will always remember that he did that and how much it meant to me that he did...
sigh...
this post is already too long...
maybe more later...
i'm gonna go look at pictures of my kids...
-diana
13 - Steve S
Congrats. My blog is about parenting, although in a situation slightly different than yours. Get ready for your world to be changed, for your perceptions to be widened, and for your reality to be forever altered in ways you cannot even begin to imagine. Congrats, congrats, congrats.
14 - KYS
Get a diaper genie. I promise, it's the greatest invention since peanut butter.
15 - Welfare Cheese
My child is due in 2 weeks. Here is my best advice.
Do not watch the childbirth video in labor class. You will be tempted to look. Do not. We watched one on natural childbirth and the other on C-section. Both women were completely naked and in desperate need of grooming. Bush from bellybutton to ass crack. Everyone says childbirth is beautiful, these videos didn't portrait any of that. I'm hoping when it is my child I can watch. Watch the destruction of a perfectly good vagina.
16 - Andy Marsh
WF - makes me glad my daughters were born C-section!
17 - Eric Olsen
don't agree about women being icky in childbirth - it's just anothe version of them, and a heroic, purposeful, vastly satisfying version at that. That's beautiful
18 - Andy Marsh
but EO - those fingernail marks in my arm didn't go away for like a year!
19 - swingingpuss
The effects of labor pains on husbands is weird.
Aaman had been a pillar of strength during the entire birthing process of our first one but something happened to him the second time round as I suffered labor pains for over 24hours.
He kept trying to shove ice cream down my throat and kept repeating the same lines over and over again- Eat ice cream. Why aren't you eating ice cream? It will make it all better.
I swear, I was this close to killing him at that point ;)
20 - Welfare Cheese
We had an ultrasound Tuesday. The estimated weight was just under 9 pounds. The doctor said she wouldn't think of inducing until the 41st week. By that time he could be 10+. If she has to deliver a child that large she may take out her epideral needle and stab me in the throat. Any tips on naturally inducing? Castor oil is out of the question, I heard it makes for a "messy" delivery.
21 - Scott
Beautiful pics Diana. I appreciate all the advice I'm getting here...makes me feel not quite so alone and overwhelmed!
22 - Eric Olsen
they say what caused the situation in the first place is the best natural inducement
23 - Andy Marsh
This is how it works...if you want your wife to go into labor...at least it worked for me...both times..
When my wife went into labor the first time I was partying with my buddy's...she decided to ruin my "fun" by going into labor...she didn't have the baby for like 15 hours...she coulda waited until I was done...but NOOOOOO...so...when my second daughter was close to being due...my wife told me that she was ready to have the baby...I said...ok..lemme make a call...I called a couple of buddy's....we started having fun...and my wife went into labor...it works...
I haven't partied with my buddies since...even though she's not pregnant...and never will be again...I just know she'd go into labor just to screw up my fun!
24 - Stephanie
Scott, you're going to be a wonderful father.
25 - Scott
In the interest of full disclosure, the previous commenter, Stephanie, is my pregnant wife. None the less, thank you for your vote of confidence.
Besides, you have always called me the "baby whisperer."