It makes me feel all warm and tingly inside.
I only do this when everybody is still asleep. God, if they only knew!
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Sometimes one of the humans will put a leash on the puppy, and he’ll get so excited! After being tightly secured, he gets to go outside.
Once one of them tried putting a leash on me. I wasn’t having any part of it. Finally, she gave up. I don’t need a leash to get out that front door. A moment of distraction is all it will take. I’m bidding my time.
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Why am I expected to bury my shit in the litter box, when the puppy gets to go outside and dump anywhere he damn well pleases? On the front lawn, the sidewalk, or even in the neighbor’s yard - I’ve watched through the front window.
I’m not stupid. I know what’s going on here. They’re playing favorites.
That puppy will pay. Nobody will ever know.
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I’m the one who took the sponge that was by the kitchen sink. Good thing nobody looks under the bed. The humans had to get another sponge. I saw it by the sink not more than ten minutes ago. Do I dare? Or would that be pushing it?
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They think when I meow it means I’m hungry. Sometimes I do it just to mess with them. I love seeing the look on their faces when they rush to the kitchen, get out the bag of cat food, and go to fill my bowl… and guess what? It’s already full! No matter how many times I pull that one it never ceases to amuse me.
Who owns who now, motherfuckers?
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I got quite the scare today. I couldn’t catch my breath and I started choking. But that’s not the worse part. No, that followed a few seconds later when I coughed up the most awful mass of hair and who knows what else.
Is it too much to ask that you invest in a good brush and run it through my coat every once in a while, people?
I really don’t need this, you know.
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I found where they hide the box of catnip! I am so fucked up right now. I have this urge to chase my own tail but I’m trying to resist it. The puppy is looking at me funny. I think he may see his chance. Time to get on the kitchen table again, until this wears off.
Article comments
1 - parker owens
Thanks for the great laugh! I have a cat character in a series of books I am writing, but she is not very funny. She constantly repeats passages from Sun Tzu's Art of War. Quite a little paranoid obsessive terrorist!
2 - DrPat
it isn’t something you’d want to repeat in front of your mother...
Wonderful! Thanks so much for this!
Coincidentally, "Pete" is also the name of my favorite science-fictional cat.
3 - Tim Hall
If a cat really blogged, it would read something like
21/04/05
sdcsdl ssdl p;fhokmdkmpoas mks,ma ,m,m,masaosdl,asof,h[;fs
22/04/05
esdfjhltj yuhtgdsl;.tyj yuijjiiiii iiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiii
23/04/05
agvsvcvcvgcvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvv eweffffffff fffffffffffffffilkpl kkkkkkkkkkkk kkkkkkkk
I once had a cat that played the piano. He used to walk up and down the keyboard.
4 - sydney
If cat's could type, I think they'd tell us all about the need for a little relaxation.