You confuse me so much. Sometimes I wonder if you ever think about me or us. But then reality brings me back down to earth and I realise that things are different for you and that we are never going to happen; it once did but won't ever again.
I feel a complete and utter idiot writing this. I know you don't care about me, I know this is of no importance whatsoever to you, and that I'm of no importance to you. I know you have no feelings for me. I know that our relationship was not a healthy one. I tried so hard, but that’s probably what killed it. The reason why I am telling you this isn't that I want you back, because I don't. I'm telling you because I can't pretend everything is fine anymore. I can’t pretend that I’m over you anymore.
Somehow you still have me wrapped around your little finger. I'm not afraid to admit that. Just like I'm not afraid to admit that whenever I'm attracted to someone, I've realised I compare them to you subconsciously. Only one guy came close to you. But even then towards the end of my relationship with him, he questioned me about you and asked me if I still liked you. I said no, and he said don’t lie to me. I know I've already said it but I will say it again.
Sometimes I wish I'd never met you because of the effect you've had on me. Other times I'm glad I met you. And then there are times when I hate you because of your effect on me. I hate you because I can't get rid of you from my mind and I have no control over my feelings for you. I don't want to not talk or meet up with you, but it's like you've pushed me into a pool, and every time I try to get out you push me back in. I just need you to get away from me, so when I manage to get out of that pool you're not there to push me back in.