Before you read this I want you to know that I mean all of this; so take me seriously. I have a funny feeling you already know what I'm going to say.
Every other part of me has moved on as months have gone by, but my feelings are stuck there, unable to move, and I can't even explain to you how frustrating it is. Believe me, I have tried everything to change the way I feel. I've tried distancing myself from you, but there always seems to be some way of that distance being removed. I've tried loving other guys, but I can't do it (forgive me for the clichéd expression)—none of them compare to you. I've tried pushing you and anything associated with you out of my head and out of my way, but you always find a way to creep back into my life. I've even tried focusing on your bad points, but I always seem to find myself drifting away from them.
I thought I would get over you. I would give absolutely anything to get over you; I can assure you of that. It would be nice to remember you and what we had and be friends. I know it's easy for you to do that, but I just can't do it anymore. It hurts me too much to see you and not be able to be close to you and tell you how I feel. It's like you're within arm's reach, yet you're so far away from feeling the same as I do, it's as if you could not be further away from me if you tried. That’s why I always look forward to a hug when I say 'bye to you if we meet up. I feel unbelievably stupid saying that.
I can't talk to anybody else like I can to you. Sometimes I feel like it's only you who actually understands how my mind works. You are one of the few people I can be myself around properly. By now you're probably thinking I'm pathetic and like you told me once before, I should get over it. I want to get over you so badly. I've tried fighting it. I've tried everything these past two years. But to no avail.
All that has altered is my projection of my feelings for you. It used to be something I wasn't afraid to show, until people expected me to not have those feelings anymore. As soon as they expected me to be over you, I just covered the feelings up, or tried disguising them. Some people who know me well know I still have feelings for you; they just don't say anything.
Article comments
1 - Victor Lana
Elizabeth, I'm sorry to see that you're still hurting. It's odd that you brought up the pool analogy, but I'll extend that by telling you what my father told me when I broke up with the girl I thought I'd be with forever: "There are a lot of fish in the sea."
Now, obviously you're not ready to go fishing yet, but when you are ready please go to a different place to cast your line.
Good luck to you.
2 - Kevin Freitas
This is in no way an attempt to diminish your pain and lost love or even to draw attention away from it. Instead, I'm a sympathetic reader who understands the grief. They say there is comfort in numbers, perhaps you'll find a bit of solace in this.
3 - Sheen 45
I can feel the pain.. M so much on the same way.. It seems impossible