I, Lab Rat

CW FISHER

It was just a brief encounter. It all happened so fast. I turned the corner into Blogcritics and there she was.

"Hello," I said, "what's this?" She didn't move, just smiled at my mouth. There was no flash. She was only a jpg. But I got a pop-up.

Dude I swear she wanted me — weird — like there I was, okay? I'm walking into the hippest bookstore / coffeehouse / place where I hang out and talk about what's happening with folks from Timbuktu, coffee's good. So I'm walking in the door... and there to greet me is Juanita. Juanita...

...was that... a flesh-colored thong... or a scar...

Juanita was the one on her right, on her knees. Juanita... It was neat to meet a Juanita, it was nice she brought her sisters, I could have done without the brother, and as my arrow sailed skyward and landed on his crotch I nearly clicked — then I came to.

Holy Jesus! I came for Mel! I just came in to see who's blogging — clik-a-wika-WAK — WHOA!

It was then that I shuddered, a deep, spinal shudder that fluttered all the way out to my fingers--causing one of them to click. Sweet Jesus, no! Behind me, little children, anxious clusters of young mothers, old mothers big mothers all eyeing my screen — I'm whacking Esc! EscEscEsc! — back of my neck's on fire crowd pressing closer must escape bloodrushing hiding inthecenter ofmy being waiting

for the explosion of pop-ups

that never comes. Heart resumes, triple time, narrow miss catch breath wonder why realize. It's my conditioned response to surprise pornography.

Cause of death: heart attack.

Of course, by the time I post, the picture'll probably be gone, but I think you get the picture. Still I'm glad the subject came up, because porn is something we should talk about, then never mention again.

Continued on the next page Page 1 — Page 2

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