My parents had the wonderful idea of signing me up for a paramilitary youth organization that will remain nameless when I was little. My Grandfather served in the army during World War II, and when he came back he signed my father up for this organization. Of course, back then they were the hardcore "we're going to leave you in the woods for a month and see if you live" group and not the "we can't comment on issues pending trial" organization that we have today. Part of the requirement for my group was to watch an episode of Captain Planet at the start of every meeting. And thus began my lifelong hatred of Captain Planet.
My biggest problem with Captain Planet was his green mullet. I can understand the artist's desire to make the captain look stylish to impress my generation, but a green mullet? You couldn’t even get away with that in the NHL and professional hockey is the Mecca of mullets. I wish I could travel back to the board meeting at which the executives were sitting around deciding the look of Captain Planet. That way I could personally smack the idiot who suggested the captain have a green hardcore hockey mullet.
But come to think of it, the green death mullet was just the beginning of my hatred for this eco-friendly do-gooder. When you really give the show the scrutiny it deserves you start to see this evil corporate agenda being pushed. Don't believe me? On the captain’s website is an interview with the Captain where he talks about smart economic growth. Let me restate this last bit of information for you. Captain Planet. A FICTIONAL cartoon character whose job it is to promote environmental awareness is spouting off in an "interview" on his website, which is geared toward elementary school children, about smart economic growth. How he makes me yearn for sweet death.