I Had To Ask

I always laugh when I recall Dad’s attempts to prepare me for my grand entrance into the world of sex. It was riotously funny, informative, and quite useful in the long run. I was worried, knowing my Dad, that I’d be the only guy in the world that knew less after “the talk” than I did before.

I went to Dad when I was thirteen-years-old. I walked into his shop and stood around for a few moments trying to decide on how to broach the subject. Pop gave me a curious glance a time or two and finally asked, “What’s on your mind, Luke?’ “Pop, I’ve got questions.” “Oh God, I knew it.” My poor Dad’s face got red and he didn’t say anything for a few moments, but when he began to talk it was worth the wait.

“Ain’t you a bit young to be thinkin’ about sex, boy?”
“I don’t think so?”
“I’m sure you don’t. So, you got somebody special in mind?”
“Pop! I ain’t telling you that!”
“Yeah, I thought so, I’ve seen how these little neighbor girls act around you. Up to sparkin’ are ya?”
“Oh, God! I should have asked Mom!”
“Sit down, boy. Well, I guess I can give you the basics, but there’s a lot you just have to learn on your own, son. You’d be better off to just wait a spell. It ain’t somethin’ to take lightly.”
“I know that, that’s why I’m asking you, and I don’t want to wait. I’ve waited long enough! Most of my friends have already done it.”
“Bullshit, most of your friends are too dumb to jack off, son. Speaking of that, I guess you know how to do that, huh?”
“Aww, geez! I knew this was a bad idea!”

Laughing, my father sat me down on one of his little workbenches and pulled his own up to me. “I’m sorry, baby. I shouldn’t have laughed at you, I know it’s hard to ask the kinds of questions you want to. I’ll just tell you a few of the things to watch out for, ok?” Finally, we were making some headway. When the old man said he’d start with the basics, he wasn’t kidding. Even a thirteen-year-old boy isn’t completely ignorant!

“Well, son, women are different than us.”
“Yeah, Pop. I had that part figured out.”
“Shut up and listen, smart ass.”
“Yes sir, sorry.”
“Well, Donnie, I guess I’ll just tell you how things work and then we can talk about anything you didn’t understand, okay?”
“Sure, Pop, that will be fine.”

Article Author: Donnie Marler

Donnie Marler hails from southern Missouri. A lover of Harley's, pool games in smoky bars, cold beer with good friends, and his kids and grandchildren. He's a free spirit that lives for the wind in his face, love, laughter, and the road less traveled. …

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