In general, I'm a rational, evidence-based kind of woman. Logic is my friend. I mean, I'm no Spock – I act on emotion, too, and various other motivations I can't even begin to understand: I sobbed at the movie Beaches, for god's sake. But I don't believe the gods will strike me down if I cross them. In fact, I don't believe in the gods. Not rational or evidence-based enough for me.
And yet.
I am not superstitious, but I refuse to count on the future for fear that by doing so, I will influence it negatively. It's kind of like my bizarro version of quantum physics – just the act of scrutinizing the subject will affect its behaviour. As in, if I really, really want that great apartment I applied for, I must firmly believe I won't get it, or the act of hoping for it will cause me not to get it. And then when I do (and did), I am both jinx-free and insanely happy. If I'm granted an interview with a writer from a show I admire, I can't tell anyone or truly believe it will happen until the interview actually occurs, for fear that anticipating it will cause it to be a cruel hoax, or the writer will change his mind or get abducted by aliens. (It wasn't, and he didn't.)
How do I rationalize my proclaimed lack of superstition with this some-might-call-it superstition? The obvious answer: a lot of denial. But I don't think that's completely it. Or it's "it" in a more interesting way than just my irrationality about being rational.
Years ago, I saw a story on Dateline NBC by reporter John Hockenberry (who completely incidentally wrote a great book about his life, including his earlier years as a journalist, called Moving Violations: War Zones, Wheelchairs, and Declarations of Independence). The segment was about how our brains are hardwired to deceive ourselves. Years later, I still think of this as one of those obvious truths I hadn't really thought of before seeing that report. The point was, if we saw things the way they really are, severe depression would probably be the only sane reaction, not a reason to inquire about Prozac. Instead, our brains paint a sunnier picture for us than reality would suggest.
Article comments
1 - Eric Olsen
more nice writing deekay, thanks! And most of us know the pleasnat tingle of things turnig out better than we expected. But from a purely mechanistic standpoint, wouldn't thinking positive thoughts influence reality for the better? Under your scenario there would have to be something in the universe out to thwart us.
2 - deekay
Shhh! There is nothing out there to thwart us! Don't even think that!
Seriously, I don't actually believe my thoughts influence anything. It's sort of a self-defence mechanism against disappointment. But I don't look at the world through that weirdly negative lens all the time - I'm usually a pretty positive person - it's just these little things that are within my grasp but haven't happened yet that I force myself not to expect. I'm not sure you can look at this weird little habit logically, much as I protest that it is completely rational, except that it's my way of controlling disappointments where I can.
3 - Temple Stark
This is an Blogcritics editors' pick of the week. Click HERE to find out why.
Also, NEW this week, we are requesting the honor of your very own "best of the week that was" pick for showing an interest and a dedication in your own writing, and as a second thank you for writing well. I will be e-mailing you separately on this as well, but for a little more info read the top of the link above.
Cheers. - Temple, BC editor / Special Projects Director
4 - may
I actually completely agree. At least for me, it is a defense mechanism against whatever disappointment that may happens. Since I've already anticipated the worst scenerio, and think I can I still handle that come what may, whatever really happens will be ok.
That's my logic.
BTW, congruatulations Diane, as the Blogcritic of the month, way to go! You are the first House blog that I read that I really liked and always found some interesting insights about. Still need to go thru other books/tvs/films reviews that you did. Loved the Lawrence Kaplow interview.
Keep it up. ;-)