A Michigan couple is facing a very common issue for those married with young children. Dad has had enough and decided to go on strike — on strike in this case includes camping out on the roof of his house. His principal demand is the kids have got to go; well not, like, out of the house or anything, just out of the marital bed. He apparently wants some Mommy time too.
This is something I can relate to. Our son, now 2, still sleeps in our bed. It’s not ideal, but it’s the dynamics of our familial arrangements. My son is breastfed at night and this is done not just for health reasons, but because I feel it also creates a close child/parent bond during a crucial time in a child’s formative years.
We had this same arrangement with my daughter, who is now 6 ½. She moved to her own bed at age 3, which took place over a course of about six months of transition. I plan to do the same with our son, but you know how boys are, so I suspect the process will be a bit more complicated.
My husband has been pretty open-minded about this arrangement. I suspect this has more to do with his allergy to nighttime feedings and being awakened periodically throughout the night than anything else. We have none of these issues and have had none since the day we brought Alex home from the hospital. I can not emphasize enough what a blessing it is/was to get appropriate levels of sleep.
But — and this is a big but here — it does have an overwhelming affect on one’s alone time with the spouse and I am sure that’s where the need to strike struck the above-mentioned hubby.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - DJRadiohead
I understand what you are saying and I don't entirely disagree with you. Allow me to submit, however, that just because "Mom's" needs changed doesn't mean that "Dad's" did or that his are somehow unimportant. Yeah, the kids come first. I get that. They should. I get that, too. But telling "Dad" to go take a cold shower and wait for 20 years doesn't seem entirely right to me either. I could be all the wrong in the world. The Wife to Whom I Am Married and I chose a childfree lifestyle. What do I know?
2 - diana hartman
it's not so bad dj, and it's more like a few years of not-so-often rather than 20 years of not-at-all or rarely-ever...
we went from several times a week to a dozen times a month and it stayed that way until our third child started kindergarten...by then, i was well into my 30's, had secured a decent job, and was a happy person all around...i wasn't the high maintenance, not-so-sure 23-yr old the man married...this made everything we did together so much more enjoyable -- including sex...
we'd both matured and worked hard to make sure everyone got established...this came to help, not hinder our sex life because i for one could relax and enjoy my life...
it's all the better now with two on the way out and my youngest becoming a teenager...i'm very proud of the way the kids have turned out and we've more than earned our new found abundance of alone time...i wouldn't have had it any other way...
for those with small ones, good on you for keeping the kids near and dear...it's not true that they'll become spoiled by the time with you or any of that other nonsense...my kids are confident and sure of themselves, willing to take educated risks, and friendly, compassionate people...i know the foundation was built around the rituals of breastfeeding, the family bed, and plenty of holding...
trust me, it's true what someone said, "the days are long but the years are short"...take heart, and don't blink -- the child will be grown more quickly than you could ever imagine...
good article dawn...glad you shared...
3 - Dawn
Diana - how beautifully and openly put. I sort of see myself where you are now sometime down the road. I really do love my husband and want him to be happy, but I also know that my role as mother is essential and needs to be done right the first time around.
DJRadiohead, bless you and your wife for knowing what you want and sticking with it. Lots of people have kids and then forget the responsibility that goes with it and just end up resenting them. That doesn't help anyone.
4 - Eric Olsen
I think the operative word here is "little" kids - the age of three seems to be when things get back to "normal"
5 - diana hartman
"I think the operative word here is 'little' kids - the age of three seems to be when things get back to 'normal'"
you've got some angels you have...my life hasn't been the same (read: normal) since therese was born...she's moving to sunny san diego next month for college so i'll have to get back to you on that...
a sex life is a divine commodity in a home where one of the kids has never slept through the night...she may be related to phillip ;)
6 - Aaman
Why does this sound so familiar?:)
7 - swingingpuss
Dawn, Aaman left the bedroom when I gave birth to Aayan and that was three and a half years ago and now with Parita hogging the marital bed I dont see Aaman returning to 'my bedroom' for some time.
Infact when EO,EB,PW and Aaman created Desicritics- I told Aaman that this would be our third child and our chances of getting 'some' would be further reduced.
And I was right. Sex is now so low in our priorities that at one point I actually asked him if we were doomed to have a platonic relationship.
I dont resent my kids but sure miss the times when I had some 'me' time and took care of myself. Someone even called me self- absorbed for remembering my single carefree days but it got me thinking that if we women don't nuture our inner selves what kind of repurcussion would it have on our families?
After taking care of my babies without any support structure I realized that there had not been a moment when I had time to myself and now its all come to a head.
I'm worn out and feel ragged around the edges.
Its a lesson well learned. Kids grow up and lead their own lives and for that reason alone we should try not to put our marriages and oursleves on the back burner.
Its difficult to take the middle way but atleast we can try.
8 - Aaman
There's something to be said for the need for private spaces by men, as I have discovered. Also, sex is great when stolen,
As Ben Harper put it,
9 - exposethefool
Don't take this as a personal attack, but I'm really confused. While reading through the www.husbandonstrike.com website comments, some folks started accusing this guy of being a Registered Sex Offender. Benefit of the doubt...
With a little bit of research, you too can find out that the "Husband on Strike" looks just like a REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER in the state of Michigan (looks like him and has the exact same name, and address)! Can't hide from the facts, I guess, unless this is a hideous coincidence. Here's how... and it's free!
First, go to the Michigan Sex Offender registry, review the terms, and do a search on James Wilson (age around 30?).
Click on the photo to reveal his smiling face. Is it him?
Let's check out the WHOIS database for James now. Go to godaddy.com and click at the bottom to get to the Whois lookup. Type in husbandonstrike, verify, and bang! The address on the Sex Offender Registry perfectly matches the name on the Whois database. Hmm. Pardon me if this is a total coincidence... but if not, WHY ARE NUMEROUS MEDIA AND NEWS STATIONS GIVING AIR TIME TO AN IDIOT STRIKING ON HIS ROOF BECAUSE HE IS LACKING INTIMACY TIME (SEX), WHILE AT THE SAME TIME, HE IS A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER?
Don't forget to google Offense: 750.520C
Description: CRIMINAL SEXUAL CONDUCT 2ND DEGREE (MULTIPLE VARIABLES)
Could somone please expose this fool, and stop the coverage and lighthearted banter about this idiot?
I feel sorry that the wife is married to such an idiot, with such blatant delusions of adequacy.
10 - Aaman
You may be right, unfortunately, the Whois information is now locked down, updated on March 30 at 15:39 EST
Interesting, deserves further research
11 - Eric Olsen
hmm, I dont' feel so sorry for myself now
12 - Dawn
I can't imagine that the newsmedia didn't pick up on that this guy is a sex offender, and what on earth would compell him to draw that much attention to himself?
I would like to assume that this is a case of mistaken identity.
As for Aaman and Swingingpuss, I can totally relate. You guys need a vacation, sans kids!
13 - Joanie
Dawn, I think you put it quite well in saying that you know this needs to be done right the first time around. 'Cause we all know we only get one shot at good parenting. If we fail early, we fail completely. And we fail, not just our children, but society as a whole.
Diana, your daughter will always have a safe place to run to in San Diego if she needs it.
14 - Andy Marsh
Good read Dawn!
I remember those days...Amber in between us all night long...reminds me of an old Galaghar skit...when he threw out the anchor with a diaper on it...we have a baby!
If he really is a child molestor wouldn't her wanna keep the kid in bed with him???
15 - zingzing
maybe i'm just foolish... maybe i'm just a horndog... but if i didn't get laid for 3 years, there would be some bodies piling up... whether they were corpses or hookers, i don't know. you leave a man alone for three years, you might not find a man there three years later.
i just don't know if a woman that could go without for 3 years (3 weeks, 3 days!) could ever keep me happy...
16 - TA Dodger
but if i didn't get laid for 3 years, there would be some bodies piling up
Seems like a great reason to file for divorce. Or you know... buy a crib. Whichever.
17 - zingzing
wouldn't it be easier just to spread the legs? cribs and divorces are expensive... sex is just fun... it doesn't take all that much time, especially if the ladies don't give it up all that often... what's half an hour? put the baby down, turn on the monitor and get to fuckin. my god. isn't everyone happier after a good fuck? i know i can be one angry asshole when i don't get laid.
18 - Andy Marsh
half an hour? Does that include getting undressed?
19 - zingzing
oh, quiet now. snide. snide. i walk around naked with a condem on.
and oh yeah, i don't play in cathedrals. work that one out.
20 - Aaman
Not getting joint bed time != not having sex
21 - zingzing
do it in the kitchen! do it in the bathroom! go into the garage and hop in the backseat! just do it!
do it anywhere the kids are not. drop them off with a baby sitter once every couple of weeks! just get to rammin'!
my god... if a woman don't put out, or if a man don't put out... it doesn't make any sense...
22 - Eric Olsen
who said anything about no sex for three years? The point was a reduced emphasis, that's all
23 - swingingpuss
And its the quality that matters not the quantity. In fact the quality was so good that one mistake and we conceived Parita (our second kid) ;)
24 - Dawn
I have no issue with the quality - it seems SP and I have something in common - receptive fertility :)
25 - Aaman
'receptive fertility' - it's our hard-working boys that did all the heavy lifting:)