And while I have been letting myself stand in the reality of this fact, I have been witnessing a lot that makes me want to grab people and shake them silly.
I see people looking for mates like it is some kind of a job interview. I heard someone express concern about marrying a woman who he was afraid tended toward anorexia because he wasn't sure she was always attractive enough, especially when she didn't wear make-up.
Before you blow a gasket, let me tell you this is someone that has a really good heart and that I like very much. I know where the pressures are coming from that led him to say this because he has suffered the same kinds of rejection himself. Rational or not, loving or not, I understand that he would be hesitant to make himself even more vulnerable to rejection by being with someone who isn't perfect. It makes all the sense in the world to me. It's fear. We all have fears and they make us do and say crazy things. And don't try to tell me you've been immune. I know better. It may show up in how we assess potential mates: What will others think if I am seen with this person? Are they attractive enough? Wealthy enough? Witty enough? Will they represent me well? Is this the perfect ornament for me?
It may show up in how we relate to ourselves.
I was at a Grand Opening of a boutique and several area business people were there. I overheard this exchange:
"What do I do? Well, I make women beautiful."
"Oh, you must be a plastic surgeon."
"Why, yes, I am."
And then I saw woman after woman asking if they need botox yet. No thought as to whether someone shooting botulism into you is a good thing. There was no "if" in that sense. The "if" was simply a question of timing. THIS is what we have to do to be beautiful?!?!?
Again, I see where this comes from. Look in any magazine or television show. It makes sense that everyone feels so insecure.
Can I just say something, though?
Jesus F^(*&)&*)$ Christ, people! Snap out of it!!!
Seriously!
Get a grip on the fact that we are human. We get old. We die.
The question is, do you want to spend all your time and money trying to run from reality pretending that somehow you have been granted special immunity from the 4 a.m. knock at your door or hearing really bad news from a loved one? Or are you willing to wake up, face this square in the eye and NOT SHRINK BACK?
Article comments
1 - Dan
I have no idea who you are or what else you've ever written (this came to me from a poorly matched google alert) but I think you are wise & I very much enjoyed sharing your wisdom & your beautiful writing. Thanks
2 - Nancy
I had the extreme good fortune to have spent the last years of my dad's life letting him know I loved him & was grateful for all he did for me, & not bringing up the (sometimes bad) things he did to me. When he died, I wasn't devastated, I wasn't even sorry or depressed. He'd been sick a long time, he wasn't happy, & he was finally out of it. Having that peace between us was worth everything. So I've been doing same to everyone I can. My stepmom - the best christmas present I ever got in my life, & I let her know it, too; my friends; even my neighbors. In proper degrees, of course. But it's so nice to let someone know you appreciate them, even in ways they don't know about for things they don't realize they do for you. I tell total strangers how nice they look (when they do); just out of the blue, a compliment like that can make someone's day. I bought the kid who loaded groceries into my car a soda; he wasn't expecting it. An unexpected freebie is always a nice thing. Tipping isn't allowed, but there's no rule against buying him a soda on a hot day. My neighbor's granddaughter loves flowers. I remember when I was a little kid, I loved picking flowers. so I gave her carte blanche in my garden, and one particularly floriferous plant is 'hers', to strip as she chooses. We also planted a scarlet runner bean that's 'hers'. This little 5 year old is turning into a serious gardener who weeds & prunes, and is starting to enjoy living plants as well as picked flowers. And often as not, just saying 'hi', or acknowledging someone's existance can be such a lift for them, especially when they're in a position where everyone passes them by like furniture, like receptionists, security people, etc. Homeless, poor, or the elderly, too. Don't just walk on by as if they were invisible; at the least make eye contact & smile. As I know, sometimes just being acknowledged, that you exist, can make you feel so much better, even for a few moments, it's worth it.
3 - Bennett
Very inspirational, Laura. Thanks! Time to write to my wife.
4 - Laura Young
Thank you all for the wonderful comments, and for extending the dialogue. We're all in this together. I'm glad our paths have found a way to cross.
5 - monica
i love someone but his not and he didn't know that i love him what can't of litter i can write to him
6 - Duane
Ideealy won that wont confyooze the hell out of him with runnon sentances and bad speling that is no way to tell some1 u luv him what if he duznt no litter is spozed 2 b letter i mean cmon monica