And his tears were of gratitude and humility. That we are alive. That we have each other. That we could sit and have an amazing meal.
We don't deserve it. Let me go on record saying that I don't think anyone deserves a damn thing. I don't, you don't. I think the word "deserve" is one of the most destructive forces on the planet but this is not the place for me to go off on THAT little tangent.
In the middle of Scott's expressing his appreciation and his love for me I could feel he was SO present and I had this flash. For a moment I thought, "Oh my God, he's going to tell me he's dying." I was wrong. I didn't get any bad news. But, you know something? One day one of us, if we are lucky enough to have advance notice, will have to do just that. And we are going to have to figure out how to say good-bye.
Jack Kornfield, in one of my favorite books, A Path with Heart, shares a spiritual exercise in which we are to perceive everyone in the world as an Enlightened Being, a Buddha if you will. Yes, even the guy who cut you off in traffic, your mother-in-law, and your evil boss (oops, you ARE the evil boss? sorry)...everyone. And they all "get it" and we are the only ones who don't. Our job is to figure out what they are trying to teach us.
I've seen a whole lot of death around me the past few years.
And I know a lot more is coming.
Everyone who is dying is teaching me that loving someone means you get the whole package. When you marry someone, or develop a true friendship with someone you are agreeing to go the distance. THE distance.
As Paul Simon would say, in his most excellent CD on relationships, You're The One,
"Ask somebody to love you, it takes a lot of nerve."
No kidding.
When we accept someone into our hearts, regardless of the relationship, we aren't just saying, "Will you share my life with me?" We are saying, "Will you share my life with me and love me knowing full well that you will have to let me go one day? Can you go THE distance with me?"
Article comments
1 - Dan
I have no idea who you are or what else you've ever written (this came to me from a poorly matched google alert) but I think you are wise & I very much enjoyed sharing your wisdom & your beautiful writing. Thanks
2 - Nancy
I had the extreme good fortune to have spent the last years of my dad's life letting him know I loved him & was grateful for all he did for me, & not bringing up the (sometimes bad) things he did to me. When he died, I wasn't devastated, I wasn't even sorry or depressed. He'd been sick a long time, he wasn't happy, & he was finally out of it. Having that peace between us was worth everything. So I've been doing same to everyone I can. My stepmom - the best christmas present I ever got in my life, & I let her know it, too; my friends; even my neighbors. In proper degrees, of course. But it's so nice to let someone know you appreciate them, even in ways they don't know about for things they don't realize they do for you. I tell total strangers how nice they look (when they do); just out of the blue, a compliment like that can make someone's day. I bought the kid who loaded groceries into my car a soda; he wasn't expecting it. An unexpected freebie is always a nice thing. Tipping isn't allowed, but there's no rule against buying him a soda on a hot day. My neighbor's granddaughter loves flowers. I remember when I was a little kid, I loved picking flowers. so I gave her carte blanche in my garden, and one particularly floriferous plant is 'hers', to strip as she chooses. We also planted a scarlet runner bean that's 'hers'. This little 5 year old is turning into a serious gardener who weeds & prunes, and is starting to enjoy living plants as well as picked flowers. And often as not, just saying 'hi', or acknowledging someone's existance can be such a lift for them, especially when they're in a position where everyone passes them by like furniture, like receptionists, security people, etc. Homeless, poor, or the elderly, too. Don't just walk on by as if they were invisible; at the least make eye contact & smile. As I know, sometimes just being acknowledged, that you exist, can make you feel so much better, even for a few moments, it's worth it.
3 - Bennett
Very inspirational, Laura. Thanks! Time to write to my wife.
4 - Laura Young
Thank you all for the wonderful comments, and for extending the dialogue. We're all in this together. I'm glad our paths have found a way to cross.
5 - monica
i love someone but his not and he didn't know that i love him what can't of litter i can write to him
6 - Duane
Ideealy won that wont confyooze the hell out of him with runnon sentances and bad speling that is no way to tell some1 u luv him what if he duznt no litter is spozed 2 b letter i mean cmon monica