5. Procrastinate
Ah, the mother lode; this is possibly the genius of all stress magnets. It can be used in every aspect of life. It succeeds every time. Whether you have to shower and eat breakfast or write a fifteen-page paper on Napoleon, waiting until the last possible time to start without missing the deadline guarantees a migraine. Because you are already stressed about having no free time, you rebel by taking time from somewhere else (i.e. homework time or sleeping time). If you make it to this step of the program, pat yourself on the back. You, my friend, know how to stress!
You know you need to finish your calculus by tomorrow but Gossip Girl is on and you haven’t seen that show in, like, for-ev-er! Besides, all you really have to do are the even problems because those are the ones he checks. And you can stay up an extra hour to do those. Screw that, sleep is precious. You’ll skip Physics tomorrow to finish. Your professor reads from the textbook anyway.
What will end up happening is you won’t give yourself enough time to really think about the problems, so you’re stressing out while trying to beat the clock. You also just skipped review day in Physics so say goodbye to your life the night before the next test. It’s all rright, school is meant to have a few all-nighters, right?
Conclusion
The act of stressing out is not hard to accomplish, but being stressed is a lifelong commitment that you must exercise constantly to maintain a certain skill level. Use your resources, and do not be swayed by “helpful” friends and family. Keep all relaxed folk at arm’s length. It’s just unnatural. You have been shown the light. Go and preach the good word.
Article comments
1 - Joanne Huspek
Gee, I guess I earned an A++.
:-)
2 - Dr. Juliann Mitchell, PhD
Well at least I know I can do "Stress" correctly.
Thanks for the article.
3 - Phillip Winn
People still wear watches?
I mean, sure, strap an Omega to your wrist in a fit of conspicuous consumption, but other than that, a watch? Really?
That's what mobile phones are for! Always accurate, always with you!
Great article, by the way. I recognize my own generally low-stress lifestyle in the antithesis.