The Question:
My partner and I have been together for two years now and we have been living together for about four months. Now that we are living together I feel that our relationship has changed. We hardly ever have sex, probably once a month is about all we manage to achieve.
I love sex and I'm sure that my partner does too, but for some reason we just can't seem to make an effort to do the wild thing - one of us or both are always tired and sometimes it feels like we're losing sexual compatibility; now it seems like I've had more passion in the past with other men or in the beginning of our relationship.
We do love each other and we've been through a lot together but I feel that our relationship is changing and I don't know what to do about it.
We are becoming more like best friends everyday and I'm scared that the passion is fading. His idea of seduction and mine are totally different - he thinks 'Let's have sex?' is an acceptable phrase into seducing a woman into hot sex, where as I would rather be pinned up against a wall without a word being said and so on...
When we weren't living together our relationship was great; we did struggle a bit in the sex department but three times a week compared to once a month was a vast improvement.
Any advice you have considering this situation would be greatly appreciated. I don't think I want to lose my relationship but I don't know if I have the will power to save it - I don't know what to do.
The Answer:
You might be surprised to learn that almost all long-term relationships go through this phase where everyone seems to get a little lazy. From my experience, it seems to happen somewhere between 18 months and three years into the relationship.
Article comments
1 - melissa
i love this article...i've recently purcahsed a new lingerie and i'm waiting on the right moment to put it on .but we have a 6month old baby and we both work 8:00-5:00 shifts.thanks to your article which i enjoyed there are going to be some changes in my sex life .THANK YOU.
2 - Andy Marsh
How 'bout this...August 2nd will be my wife and I's 25th wedding anniversary...
WE only knew each other two weeks when we went to Vegas and got married.
The only thing that makes a marriage work is that both of you have to want it to work.
3 - uhnawneemuss
Thanks for the suggestions. Appreciate it :)
4 - LoverOfToys
This is a great article, but there is always more to add to the solutions. Yes, I agree after time the sex life diminishes and you do have to work at it all the time. Marriage is work and so is your sex life to keep it going. There is too much temptation out there on TV, Magazine Covers and so forth. You need to experiment, do things you normally wouldn't do to keep it interesting. People get tired at night after working, taking care of the kids, but put your best foot forward and make the effort. I know my man loves it when I initiate the act because it makes him feel wanted and it tells him I am in the mood. Granted, he can tell if I am not in the mood and it doesn't make for great sex. Help eachother release tentions and relax to get in the mood and most of all make him feel wanted and you'll get what you want most. A great sex life. Don't forget to change it up though.
5 - joe
this seriously helped alot, i was alone while reading this, im going to ask my girlfreind to read the exact article after she's done work, i really hope this helps..
wee been together for about 2 years and a half, i love her to death but dont get me wrong, the sx drive has ruined alot for us, i think its very unhealy we have had intercourse unde 10 times in that long period of time..
6 - DJ
I almost let a boring sex life ruin my marriage...you just kind lapse into a sex "routine"! You start to lose your drive and people setle for that!! I did.
7 - TT
I am really struggling to keep this relationship going.I'm losing interest in sex but i'm going to try to livin things up.
8 - bex1984
my man never wants to have sex with me.. ive tried the whole dressing up things ive bought toys and still not interested i love him to bits and he loves me but im not sure how long this can last like this its so boaring and we need help
9 - chelsea
So I read this artical. And I love it! Me and my boyfriend have been dating scince high school, haven't made the marriage plunge yet but we will when the time is right. But we were having a lot of problems with when the right time to have sex was. this really helped to just sit down and talk about getting hot with each other. And the sexy date box works really good!
Thanks a lot