How To Make Friends - Page 2

If you’ve followed these steps up to this point, you’ll have your circle of friends in no time! But there is something more important than friendship. There is something in human nature that says enough is never enough. This is called greed. Not matter how you look at it, we’ll always want not only more friends, but more toys, more money, and more control. Yes, I know it’s hard to believe, but humans have the desire to control and manipulate our friends so we can become kingpin of our social circle, and hopefully and eventually ruler of the universe.

This is called being the alpha male and/or female. This very special guy or gal gets to make all the decisions on what to do on Friday nights, with the rest of the people in the social circle following blindly. By following, they hope to gain social status and, in so doing, eventually supplant you as alpha overlord.

Becoming the alpha male and/or female is a hairier issue than just getting friends, but there are ways to get there. Among the ways I will discuss are lying, manipulation, conniving, and backstabbing. You get the picture.

Lying is a proven way to make oneself more popular. Psychologists have discovered that children who tend to lie more often are more likely to be popular with their peers. It’s the same for adults. How do you think politicians become so powerful? Exactly, now you’re getting it!

So apply it to your own life! Next time someone asks you if you’ve ever heard of so-and-so or have done this or that, say yes! Even though you’ve just told a lie, you’ve made the person feel good by giving credence to whatever they said, no mater how inane. They will then pledge their allegiance to you and help you on your quest to social dominance.

Manipulation is a little bit trickier. Anyone can lie, but it takes social grace to be able to lie and blame it on someone else. That way, you make your enemies (your friends) weaker while you get stronger. By pitting your peers against each other and playing to their emotional weaknesses, you can become the puppeteer you’ve always dreamed of being.

Article Author: Kyle West

Kyle West is a Professional Writing/History major and a Spanish minor attending the University of Oklahoma. He likes reading, writing, and discovering new music.

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