This ties back to the first tip about appearing constantly disinterested in everything. One hint on staying up on foreign news: Make it up. The more obscure the country, the better (and more difficult to fact-check!).
People With Macs are "coffee shop-better" than other people.
It’s true. The coffee shop coolness hierarchy goes something like this, from bottom to top: tourists, old people ("old" meaning 43 or older), engineering students, people who "do lunch" with their co-workers, punk music fans, techno music fans, history students, young-ish English professors with tweed jackets, Wilco fans, and finally, People With Macs.
Those who spend hours behind their little glowing Apple logos with their earbuds hooked to their brains are so much cooler than everybody else, simply because everybody else wants to know what they’re doing but can’t (unless they’re seated immediately behind said Person With Mac). Alt-country fans assume they’re stoically analyzing the lyrics to Uncle Tupelo’s Anodyne, while others understand that this is how He or She is so informed about South American politics.
The Mac also completely rules out the possibility that you are studying anything concerning mathematics or hard science. That stuffy crap is for PCs, and they are majors which require only cheap, poor-quality coffee for success.
So there you have it - how to increase your coolness by way of the most difficult and rewarding vehicle, the coffee shop. Not everyone can truly pull it off, and it normally requires years of practice. Just do your best not to spill it on yourself.
*The metric system is European. Measure by it whenever possible.
Article comments
1 - Joanne Huspek
Boy, you nailed that one on the head.
2 - Matthew T. Sussman
They should come up with a website dedicated to stuff that white people like. Can anyone think of a good title?
3 - brooke
Wilco? Seriously?
4 - brooke
Wilco? Seriously?
5 - Mary K. Williams
This was pretty funny. I get points for big, bold coffee, but I lose points for my PC and looking quite interested in the surroundings. Oh well, I'm a writer, I observe! (and then I write about it on my PC hehehee)
6 - Mary K. Williams
Oh, and Matt - I was on that White People site last week actually. Funny stuff.
7 - carney
Ha, thanks for the White People shoutout. That blog is my favorite online time-drain.
8 - carney
I guess I spend too much time in coffee shops these days. Maybe I need to find a new study-spot.
And as an interesting note, those two guys playing frisbee on the current Stuffwhitepeople like post, "#110 Frisbee Sports" are friends of mine. Weird.
9 - Michael
appreciate the effort, but with all due respect, i found this to be unfunny, unoriginal, and cliche ... and no coffee shop college student would ever seriously discuss the dave matthews band in 2008.
10 - Utilitypigeon
Hmm, on the 1-10 scale of coffee-shop cool, my rank would be potato-salad, I think. With my Mac running Linux and comically oversized cappuchinos