It's a well known fact that as kids grow up, they distance themself more and more from their parents. Even the slightest misstep on the parent's part can cause the said child to lose control and shout things that everyone ends up regretting down the road (I hate you! I wish you'd disappear! and so forth). This can be a very trying time for parents who only want the best for their growing children.
As Kill Bill illustrates, revenge can be a nice bandaid and pride booster. So the next time your child flips out at you for merely looking in their direction, consider these forms of payback designed to merely horrify the child more while you only barely stifle a chuckle.
Any kind of affection in public will guarantee you a groan from your school aged child. If they react strongly to a simple hug, just think about the mortification they will endure when you introduce them to your adult friends and you smooch them on the forehead, followed by a pinch of the cheek. Bonus points for giving it a quick shake.
An eviler twist of the above scenario is to wait until your child is in the mid-teens and do that in front of their friends. Or wait until they start to date. Nothing gives a daughter a bigger heart attack than being babied with The Boyfriend around. Of course, why stop there? The first time your daughter proudly brings The Boyfriend home to meet the folks, crush her quickly by pinching his cheek and cooing.
Remember when your child was a young-un and you took them grocery shopping? Well, of course nothing but the candy isle holds to interest to a toddler. So they'd entertain themself by twirling around and singing to themselves. Sometimes it would be a Christmas song (in August), sometimes it was nonsense words to an on-the-spot tune. Or off the top of the head lyrics to a nonsense tune. You can doo your own twist of this to ensure your pre-teen never goes shopping with you again.
Start off easy. Walk briskly down the isle humming a tune. Make sure it's audible, but not too loud. When you slow down to look at an item gradually increase the volume and make it a bit off key (which should come naturally the louder you get). If you are an atheist, and know your child is, too, hum a well known Sunday school song like "Jesus Loves Me". Add a spring to your step. More daring parents could try skipping and/or actually singing the song. Bonus points if you shout joyously for your child to join in your music making.
Article comments