"Ex-girlfriend", "Ex-boyfriend". Probably some of the most despised words in the history of mankind.
"Ex-girlfriend", "Ex-boyfriend". Probably some of the most despised words in the history of mankind.…
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How Much Do You Hate Your Partner's Ex? - Comments Page 2
Article comments
26 - tessi
my boyfriends ex is actually trying to get him back.. and hes getting annoyed (which makes me thrilled as evil as i sound) but shes getting on my case.. shes actually flat out said "i want you back" to him and physically calls him on the phone ten or more times a day.. you should see his missed calls list on his phone its all her..
shes driving me nuts! I trust him completely but I dont trust her..
he was being nice to her and returned some computer program to her house and well when he got there she wasnt wearing anything.. so he texted me and was like call me right now.. so i did not knowing what was going on.. and lets say she got "angry" and said to never go back.. however 30 mins later he already had two more missed calls from her.
im just wondering if anyone has advice for us on her.. shes driving us nuts and not giving him any privacy.. i think the important thing is for me to not get involved (cause i havent talked to her once yet) and for him to deal with it... however she never listens..
anyways i would love to get along with her.. but not if shes gunna hit on my man all the time..
advice?
and good article btw.. i think ex's are life lessons..
27 - Rachel
Hey everyone, I'm so glad that I found this page. I have been struggling with this issue so much and it has gotten to the point where I don't know what to do anymore. It is comforting to know that I am not the only one out there with this problem. My bf's ex is DISGUSTING..I know I would probably say that even if she were as hott as me..just off the fact that shes his ex, lol but no really, she is gross..shes fat, shes stupid, shes a stripper, shes a nasty slut..It makes me think that my bf has really low standards..or at least did until he met me. But it kills me to know he was with her. It's this disgusting mix of jealousy, rage, frustration, sadness, and rejection. I am completely obsessed, I always go to her online journals and myspace page, as if I'm searching for answers as to why he loved this girl so much...Of course going to her pages makes me feel even worse. Then, I let it out on him..and he doesn't understand it because he didn't do anything wrong. In the beginning of the relationship he talked about her ALL the time, how he loved her so much and shit, he would even tell me about their sex life and intimate details that I did NOT want to hear, then he would try to make fun of her to make himself feel better...I could tell he wasn't over her, but it was a new relationship and it didn't effect me...as the months went by, it started to really get under my skin, I told him never to speak of her again, and he didn't...with a few exceptions, and yet here I am, 2 years into the relationship, still completely at utterly obsessed. I reject his friends because they are cool with her, I get really mad at my bf because I will think of her, I will cry about it..It will go away for a while, but it always comes back. Perhaps the reason I'm so jealous is because I feel he did so much more for her than he has done for me, he got a place with her and lived with her for 3 years, and he hasn't got a place for me n him .. Also, my bf and I hardly have anything in common..she smoked weed all the time, listened to rap, was cool with his friends and I am the total opposite, I don't smoke at all, I listen to rock and I hate all of his friends. Perhaps thats why I'm jealous..all I know is that this is killing me and my relationship.
28 - anonymous
I like my boyfriend's ex-wife. We wanted to be nice to each other for their childs sake, but ended up being really good friends.
29 - Natalie
I am girlfriend number 33!! oh yes indeed i have 32 to hate and dispise! but whats worse is he cheated on practically all of them! we have been together for a year and a half now and hes not done anything to make me think hes cheated on me (well he wouldnt have time to if hes not at work hes with me!) but what really gets to me is that they call him and text him and to be honest i do not trust him around any of his exs fullstop. im fne with other girls but no them! iv asked him to stop answering their calls and replying to their texts but he doesnt and know does it behind my back and dust tell me theyv called/texted ok he wants an easy life but it makes me trust him even less!! this one girl was a complete and utter bitch to me wen we first got together so obviously i have issues with her! she kept calling him so one day i asked him to choose between me and her, he picked me! but the othr day she came into the bar wer he works and i was ther he didnt say anything to her which made me very happy! but the next day he was like i really wanted to say hi to her, and was generally interested in who she was with cos he didnt no who they wer! is he still inerested in her?? what should i do? he gets soo moody aswell whenever i ask him to stop speaking to them and calls me controlling am i? i wouldnt mind him saying hi if he happened to bump into them but im not into the calling and texting thain whatsoever what does anyone think am i wrong??
30 - bobydoll
I hear what you all are saying but some of it is real insecurity..Those of you know who you are... I have put up with my boyfriend for two years letting his former wife of only 3 years but being with her for 8 come into our life and take from him, even tho he talks trash about her he always bends.. I was married for 30 years and my former isn't even mature enough to talk to me when it comes to the business we have together... He can be so strong yet so weak, I even asked him if he still loved her and he said "NO"..Then why all the pathetic compassion? You guys out there tell me./..
31 - Carey
I contacted my ex recently as it was Xmas and I wanted to know if he was doing okay. I ended our three year relationship 4 years ago because the deadline to move to my country had continually been extended and I couldn't take it anymore. We lived together for three years and i loved him but after waiting 8 months for him to come I ended it, we were engaged but love was not enough to keep us together. He was really angry when we broke up and I ceased contact because I was sick of the abuse, I knew he was hurting so forgave him then and there for all his hurtful emails. I am married now and have moved on just wanted to know he was okay and had moved on, he emailed to tell me that he had cheated on me 11 times 5 with women i knew during our relationship. This email cured me of any lingering feelings, Most of his abuse post break up surrounded me cheating which I wasn't, I just needed to get on with my life and was tired of waiting for him. I guess he had to try and hurt me one more time for hurting him but it didn't hurt it reaffirmed I had made a painful but right choice.
32 - alexandria jackson
I love my ex-husband's fiancee. She is great to my kids, she's a great person and he is so much better a person with her than he ever was with me. Together, we're a clan and have melded our families in a wonderfully positive way.
My partner's ex - a completely different story and the kids suffer for it. Though I do what I can, I tend to blame my partner for not being stronger....I feel for all of you who struggle with this issue.
33 - sammy
i hate my boyfriends ex girlfriends. he has only had sex with two of them but i just hate all of them. actually one of the girls he had sex with wasnt even his girlfriend and that KILLS me. im serious. i cry about it almost everyday and i just want it to go away. i starve myself all the time cause i feel like im not good enough. i want to be better than them and it hurts me soooo bad when i think about them having sex and him looking ather the way he looks at me. he means so much to me and it really breaks my heart to think about him loving another girl the way he loves me :(
34 - Tiffanie
I honestly have to say that a lot of you girls on here are nuts. Not everybody, but most of you are nuts. I have thank you though, because you've shed some insight to my ex's new girlfriend. She just randomly started calling my house, and she's under the impression that I want her man back. I don't want her man, hell, I'd happily pay for their marraige license. My ex for some reason has given her the impression that I still want him, and is trying to give that same impression to my current boyfriend, but I want him about as much as I want to drink a gallon of lighter fluid. Fact of the matter is, the girl doesn't know about the cheating and abuse that is in her future. I could care less about this man or his new girlfriend. Crazy girls, chances are your boyfriend's exes could care less about you or your existence. There is a chance that she's happy that her trash is now your treasure, and she'd rather live peacably without a trace of you or him in her world. Instead of being concerned with her, you need to focus on your relationship before you become an ex.
35 - amy
I am so happy i found this website and to know that im not the only one! i recently found pictures and videos of my boyfriend and his ex fiance and every day when i think about him and any of his ex's or people he has slept with i feel like i want to be sick!! eurgh i hate ex's hate hate hate :@
36 - alexasothermother
This is crap. Add a kid to this and you would not be so lighthearted. I could care less who he did before me. When you add a vindictive, jealous ex who cannot accept that he found happiness with someone else, it is different. Throw in a child to use as a pawn, a tug of war trophy, you can make it heart wrenching agony. I am an ex, I could care less what he does, who he does, or when he does it. My daughter has a right to love her dad without clouding that with my personal feelings. Unfortunately, most women are too shallow and pathetic to follow this suit. Women need to grow up, admit that it did not work, it is not all about them and move on. You have a choice to be the ex from hell or the ex that had enough conviction to move on and create a life aside from the past.
37 - ineedhelp
i cant get over these jealous thoughts that he didn't save himself for me like i did for him we've been married almost 4 years and i still cant stop thinking how could he have done this why can't i just let it go. I have severe depression and am taking medication for it and i'm sure that because i have low self esteem that is what makes me not able to forgive i hate this woman she is such a slutty whore and so was my husband at the time. sometimes i wish i had never married him because of what he did with her. but he is good for me and i know my life would be much worse without him. sometimes i wish i married someone else though someone who had the same standards as i did. but i have found out that she is going to iraq soon and i hope she gets her stupid whore face disfigured in an explosion. my husband said that she came on to him and they got together and he felt like no one cared about him so when someone showed interest in him he felt good and they basiclly f***ed in his car in her driveway her on his lap they had a great time well f**k him i want to do the same thing to another man for the sole purpose of getting back at him. i think that would make us even and i wouldn't have any more hard feelings towards him after i did it. I seriously want to do this to him some day i think it's the only way i can get over these feelings of hatred towards my husband and his f***ing whore @$$ b!t*h slut ugly faced ex lover girlfriend. I hope she dies and rotts in hell. justice must be served so one day i'll get back at him the same way he did it with her. that is a promise
38 - gaynor
i hate my girlfriend's ex so much i wish for her to just fall off the planet...
39 - Sarah
I think it must be a girl thing to hate our partner's exes? I don't know many men who experience the same emotion.
I hate my boyfriend's ex so much. She tried to break us up for ages, would make nasty comments to me in public, in front of my boyfriend, and would constantly try and cuddle my boyfriend. And my boyfriend just let it happen. And now we're living in the aftermath of that, where I am an insecure and jealous of every little thing. Help me?!?
40 - Rosie
I was never keen on my boyfriend's ex but I didn't viciously and obsessively hate her till she contacted him otu of the blue months after he'd broken up with her, and at the beginning of our relationship. She seemed weirdly friendly to him but switched into bitch mode when he told her he had a new girlfriend.
She was kind of snide to me too. Now I despise her. She was also his first, well my ex was my first too, but at leat my ex didn't try and worm his way back in like her. I once accidently saw a picture of them together and felt physically sick! It brought my boyfriend to tears, seeing how hurt I was. I hate her for being there first, for visiting all the same places, for sleeping in his bedroom, for touching him even. She's fat and ugly and bitchy but I still feel inferiour to her simply because she was there first. I instantly despise anything that is related to her in any way. Sometimes I get visions of them having sex and it makes me want to cry, the thought of her touching him makes me ill. I hate her so much.
He didn't love her, he says it was a teenage relationship mainly for status. He said he loves me and that in his eyes I am the most beautiful girl in the world. It seems to break his heart when I am upset, plus he even contacted his ex to ask her to take down stuff from the internet about their relationship that she'd left up, because he wanted to prove to me that she's gone in every single way. So I really want to learn to cope with this better...for his sake. He's an amazing person and I love him. He's so good to me, and we have something that neither of us have had before. He's shown me it, proven it to me.
Every now and then I look at her photos on facebook or something and want to punch her. But it's improved since the beginning. I hate her so much, and sure sometimes I get the urge to sign her up to fetish sites or something stupid like that, but I'd never seriously mess with her. I hate her, but in a realistic view all I really want from her is to stay the hell out of our lives forever.
41 - quietreader
I am also suffering from this blistering experience. The frustrating part is that we are just friends. Friends who just happen to want each other, yet restraining ourselves to be together. All the time when he is with me, he wants me to stay and spend time with him. I willingly do so, but he likes to occasionally hit on topics concerning his ex. I love him so much, and knowing that were just friends I tried to tolerate, and be a good friend and understand. But he knows that I love him,and we have already discuss this matter that eventhough we like each other, we are just going to stay friends. I didnt mind it at all. I tried to listen to him everytime he talks about his ex, but it has gotten to a point where I can't stand it anymore. I enjoy the time we spent together hanging out,laughing and teasing each other, but the moment he gets to the topic about his ex, my insides cringes, and the entire jolly mood of the conversation gets all cold and silent. I am always there when he needs me, when he needed someone to talk to, to tease,and I guess to just fill his vaccuum. The devastating part is that, he knows that he has hurt me with that particular subject, but he just chooses to ignore. One moment he treats me like I am so important,one moment like a gf, and another moment, like a nobody.He says he doesn't miss me, eventhough he ask me to accompany him very often.He said before that he doesnt miss his ex, and sometimes he says he does. The fact that he talks about her more and more, gives me so much more reasons to simply despise her. I dont want to at all. I feel bad. Its so unhealthy to just dislike someone for a silly reason like this. I just dont understand why is it so difficult to forget about this sickening insecurity.But simply because his ex has made him like this, and she being all spoiled by her popular life and moving on with no concerns for him, and him still somehow reminding himself about her, and him cruelly disregarding my feelings, making me feel like I am nothing else but just a friend he can choose to hurt occasionally and take for granted puts me in a pit of debilitating agony and sheer confusion.
42 - Susan
I found this website because after divorcing a man (if I can call him that) that caused me to feel this extreme rage and have murderous thoughts of his exes, I wanted to find closure. I feel so sorry for all of you going through this soul-crushing feeling, and although I can't offer a solution because it is my firm belief that you can't change your mind on this issue when your heart is in love (or " in jealousy" which can be confused with "love"), I can at least share a story to help you realize that you are not alone.
I married the first guy I had sex with. He was a man-whore, and a lying sack of sh*t. I was young and very nieve, not realizing that he was so insecure with his own self that he used embellished stories of ex girlfriends to TRY to make me jealous, thus crazy, thus completely controlled. I lived in this hell for about 10 years, my entire twenties are lost to him. He also cheated on me, and he lied to me about everything. I finally got up the strength to divorce him after having slipped into a serious depression that required medication. Now, I am so happy! No more ghosts of his past haunting me, in fact, now I laugh to think about them and how stupid it all is. He met a new woman within weeks of my leaving and is already married to her. I read her blog on myspace and she hates me with every fiber of her being. I pity her, but I admit that it is a comfort to me to realize that I wasn't crazy. He is doing to her what he did to me.
Friends, this is not normal to feel extreme jealousy. My new boyfriend has a past, but he respects me and does not TRY to create jealousy. (except at first he did mention a few, and I realize now that I had put up a wall so he wanted to test the waters to see if I'd react. I did, and he stopped) Now, if an ex crosses our path, he is respectful to her but makes sure that everyone in the room knows he loves me. I feel safe. I feel happy, and I can assure you that every guy you're obsessing about is WRONG for you. You deserve so much better! Think about it; breaking up with him is much better than being haunted by his embellished past (which more than likely isn't even true.) If you are keeping yourself awake at night and crying every day, is that making you happy? And the fact that you can't trust him? There is no love in distrust. I dare say his exes are looking at you with pity, they may want to just give you a hug and tell you that you're way too good for him.
43 - Rosie
Susan
Thanks for the story, it's great you managed to get out of that relationship and are happy with your current guy :).
However I just want to point out that it isn't the boyfriend's fault in every case that the other is jealous. Breaking up isn't always the answer as while in your situation the guy was using it to control you...in other situations, it is not the boyfriend's fault but a manifestation of the other's personal issues and low self esteem (such as myself!)
44 - cat
Wow!! I just found this site. The comments are amazing. I struggle with this obsession of my boyfriend's (to quote him: brainy, good looking, rich......blah, blah, ad nauseum) ex-girlfriend. I'm pretty sure he said her poop didn't stink either. I'd go on..but then I'd have to go throw up (wish it would be on her). I thought I was nuts for thinking such horrible thoughts about their relationship. Now that I've seen that others have exactly the same feelings is reassuring...that I'm not actually nuts, but part of a much larger universe known as "I hate my partner's ex universe". Thanks y'all.