I want to practice approaching people from all angles and just look, as much as I can, without judgment.
Think of it like looking through a kaleidoscope. You see a pattern of crystals arranged and you think, "Oh, that's mostly purple, and I see shapes that look like daisies." Then you turn the tube and you say, "Well now it's mostly yellow with little red lightning bolts." We give the kaleidoscope full permission to shift and change and surprise us with it's transformations by letting the crystals recombine and be viewed from multiple angles by the little mirrors inside. We don't get mad when the picture changes. In fact, we'd say the kaleidoscope was broken and demand a full refund if it didn't!
Maybe we can practice seeing each other the same way. Maybe we can expect to be surprised and to have our view of each other challenged. Maybe we can look from different angles and say, "Oh, that's them, too! I thought they were like this but now I see that they are ALSO like that. And sometimes, when I hold them up to the light I can see this part that I never realized was there before."
Maybe we can all practice just that one simple thing.
Laura Young is an author, coach and collaborator-for-hire. To learn more about her, please visit her blog, Musings of an Ant Watcher.
Edited: LH
Article comments
1 - Geek's Girl
What a lolvey,well written piece. A pleasure to read, thank you.
2 - gypsyman
I know there is something I should say to you about this post, but it's not coming easy. I'm probably trying to hard to see it.
Both of your parents sound like extremely gifted individuals for being able to recognize love in all it's many shapes and sizes and how to share it with others.
My wife is quite similar in that she will sit on the street with a homeless person and talk without any self consceousness or effort. She says it makes her feel like she has acomplished something real if she can touch a person's life through whatever personal hell they might be living.
Like your father she is able to have wild creatures come up to her and feed. If we go for a walk we usually have to tell all the cats who have followed us home that they can't come in.
To be able to offer genuine unconditional love to the world is a wonderful gift, but like all gifts is two sided. The other edge of the knife is the amount of pain these empathic people could potentialy be feeling at any time.
When you love that much you also feel the pain of others with equal intensity. When you live with a person who feels that much pain you have to be prepared for the depth of their emotion and how it will affect you. They need uncoditional love to prevent them from becoming sick.
I'm not like my wife, except for being able to provide her with what she needs, perhaps in the case of your parents, who were so alike, neither was able to offer the other the support they needed.
You are a very wise woman to have learned those lessons. So many people see the actions of people like your parents as abnormal and dismiss them as strange.
Thank you so much for telling this story today.
gypsyman
3 - Laura Young
Thank you both for your kind comments. gyspyman, you are right...when you open up you open up to everything. It takes a lot of work to be healthy in that. It's hard to keep your heart open no matter what. I'm committed to living that way but there are certainly easier paths. But none quite so rewarding...