And if you kept going and shifted your gaze as far as you could, until you could only see the farthest periphery...the things that you might so easily miss if you were the least bit distracted this is what you would see...this is who they really are when they don't know anyone is looking...
My earliest memory of my father was when we were still living in Chicago, so I was probably 4. It was late and there was pounding on the door of our flat. A drunken man had lost his way home and had mistakenly tried to enter ours. My father answered and I remember, even as a small child as I watched from the landing above, my father's compassion and the soothing way he re-oriented the man and got him on his way.
While that memory might well be questioned due to my age I can tell you this was not a unique event. When we moved to Indiana we had a woman on our block. In retrospect I understand she must have been schizophrenic but as a child all we knew was that she was crazy. She was unkempt and usually quite docile but periodically she would grab a very large stick and march down the street going from house to house. You had better believe we ran like the dickens when we saw that...you just don't want to hang around when you see a crazed and wild looking woman in mismatched clothes coming at you with a big stick.
But you see, it wasn't a club. It was her scepter. And the towel on her head...well, it was a crown of sorts. She was the Queen of our Land and all she wanted to do was to visit her subjects and find out how things were going for us. I know that because my father was the one person who decided that the best way to understand her was simply to talk to her. So, he would go outside and they would talk for a while about the state of things in the neighborhood and he would reassure her that there was peace and when they were done he would come in and say, "Well, she is just as sweet as peaches and cream" and that would be it. And we stopped being afraid of what we didn't understand. And sometimes we kids would sit on the porch with her and just talk about stuff. And when my younger sister told her that she had a headache and was advised to place a towel on her head and you saw them both sitting there draped as they were it just made sense. And old, crazy woman and a young slip of a girl with towels on their heads on a summer afternoon just talking about stuff and enjoying the day. It's one of my favorite memories.
Article comments
1 - Geek's Girl
What a lolvey,well written piece. A pleasure to read, thank you.
2 - gypsyman
I know there is something I should say to you about this post, but it's not coming easy. I'm probably trying to hard to see it.
Both of your parents sound like extremely gifted individuals for being able to recognize love in all it's many shapes and sizes and how to share it with others.
My wife is quite similar in that she will sit on the street with a homeless person and talk without any self consceousness or effort. She says it makes her feel like she has acomplished something real if she can touch a person's life through whatever personal hell they might be living.
Like your father she is able to have wild creatures come up to her and feed. If we go for a walk we usually have to tell all the cats who have followed us home that they can't come in.
To be able to offer genuine unconditional love to the world is a wonderful gift, but like all gifts is two sided. The other edge of the knife is the amount of pain these empathic people could potentialy be feeling at any time.
When you love that much you also feel the pain of others with equal intensity. When you live with a person who feels that much pain you have to be prepared for the depth of their emotion and how it will affect you. They need uncoditional love to prevent them from becoming sick.
I'm not like my wife, except for being able to provide her with what she needs, perhaps in the case of your parents, who were so alike, neither was able to offer the other the support they needed.
You are a very wise woman to have learned those lessons. So many people see the actions of people like your parents as abnormal and dismiss them as strange.
Thank you so much for telling this story today.
gypsyman
3 - Laura Young
Thank you both for your kind comments. gyspyman, you are right...when you open up you open up to everything. It takes a lot of work to be healthy in that. It's hard to keep your heart open no matter what. I'm committed to living that way but there are certainly easier paths. But none quite so rewarding...