My wife and I moved to Salem Massachusetts about three years ago as a matter of convenience. She was going to graduate school in Boston, and I was laundering money for a small pharmaceuticals concern operated off a swordboat in Gloucester harbor. Since Salem is equidistant between the two, it seemed like a good bet.
But nobody told me about October.
You may have heard of the, erm, unpleasantness that gripped Salem in 1692, when a bevy of young girls accused their friends, neighbors, and servants of witchcraft. When all was said and done, about a dozen people were dead, many more were imprisoned, and Salem's identity had been set in stone forever
Lots of things have happened in the three centuries intervening. Salem was the premier port in America at the end of the 17th century, and contributed by some estimates about 30% of the total GNP of the early USA (other estimates are rather lower, but by any measure? damn). Salem sea captains opened the China trade for America, and succeeded to such an extent that for a time Chinese merchants thought that Salem, not London, Amsterdam, or Paris, was the biggest city in the Western world. Nathaniel Hawthorne was born in Salem, and used the town in many of his stories, notably "The House of Seven Gables" and his introduction to "The Scarlet Letter."
But do you think any of that shit matters now? After the harbor silted up, trade fell off, and the money stopped, Salem flailed around for a while before successfully recasting itself relentlessly around the rapid inhalation of tourist money. In the summer, tour buses and overweight retirees filter up from Jersey to gawk at the historical monuments and museums in town. There's plenty of those, including an excellent national park (the Salem Maritime Historical Site) and the Peabody-Essex Museum. But a friend of mine is a park ranger at the Salem Maritime Historical Site, and according to her, the number-one question asked of park rangers in Salem year-round is, "Where them witches at?"
Well, folks, they're at The Salem Witch Museum, The Witch History Museum, The Salem Witch Village, The Witch House, The Witch Dungeon Museum, The Witch Trials Memorial, The Spellbound Museum, and The Salem Wax Museum of Witches and Seafarers. There's also Terror on The Wharf, the Pirate Museum, hearse tours, and haunted house walks. Not to mention the by-far largest population in the country of actual, practicing Wiccans.
Article comments
1 - Eric Olsen
Hey, we're from Ohio. We love Salem, especially the older kids who dig that witch shop. We go to Salem every time we visit friends in the area - it's cheesy good fun.
Classic story, you rule, thanks!
2 - Johno
Eric, no offense meant. Well, at least not to present company. I'm actually from Ohio too, not far at all from you.
Drop me an email next time you come out this way if you are so inclined. I'll by you a beer.
3 - LINDA
Hello From Michigan ,
I loved your story ! I laughed out loud with demented glee as I hung onto every word of your hilarious story , which is so true . :) I could really relate to everything you wrote , as I went to Salem Haunted Happenings back in 1996 for the first time . I loved everything about Salem , however , and despite all the thundering herds of us tourists , driving around like we were in bumper cars in a carnival , :D , I had a great time . :) I went to Salem because of a lifelong haunting desire to do so . I had no idea of what was to come and how they celebrated Halloween ! But despite all the hoopla , I had a great time ! I'm going to come back next year to take in more of the history I missed last time . Take care . Be safe and be happy !
Linda