Dear Elsa,
I was married for 10 years, and have been divorced for one year. I have two kids with my now ex-husband.
I met a man five months ago I really click with. We've been seeing each other since we met. We are both emotionally guarded due to being hurt so much in prior relationships. He is under the impression that he has already loved and lost "The One," and that there isn't another. His actions and occasional accidental comments make it sound like he thinks of me more seriously.
He has an ex who is also way too involved in his life and he says he will always love her, though he's not in love with her. My mistake is giving more than I ever get and my constant need to help someone achieve a higher state of being. My question: is this worth all of my energy?
Giver
Dear Giver,
No, I don’t think this is worth all of your energy. I think you should (consciously) invest in yourself. I 
think you should strive to achieve a higher state of being for yourself. And I think it is somewhat disingenuous to say you need to help these others without acknowledging how helping them benefits you.
For example: in this situation, you are recovering from a divorce. He holds you at night while you process. He is acting as a salve during a transition period. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. People need each other. Just don’t kid yourself.
Sleeping with a man who tells you that you are not (and cannot) be “The One” is not some act of generosity on your part. You are there because you do not want to be alone.
And check this, I am writing this to help you achieve a higher state of being. But I am simultaneously, very consciously, working my own issues. Do you see what I mean? Though I am supposedly the “helper” in this situation, I can’t achieve a “higher state of being” without you. So who is helping who?
Good luck.
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