Actually, I’ve never slept with Tiger Woods. I’ve never met Tiger Woods. I’ve never even watched golf on television. But in an inadequate attempt to get more hits on my blog, I thought that “I slept with Tiger Woods” was a good opening.
Currently I have two guilty pleasures, and in this era of honesty, I am coming out of the closet to admit one of them. It’s People. Not just any people. Peoplemagazine.
For some reason, I eagerly devour reports about folks I’ve never seen or heard. Who is Lauren Conrad? Heidi Montag? Leighton Meester? Blake Lively? Megan Fox? (I do know who Lauren Bacall, Robert Blake, and JamieFoxx are, and I’ve read Heidi. As for Leighton Meester…oh well.)
Obviously I’m not hip and happening enough to know who these people are and why they are celebrated. Nevertheless I have to read every issue of People. I missed two last year and was disconsolate. I am also a People snob. I only read Peopleimitators (e.g., US) when Amazon.com offers subscriptions for a dollar or two. Although an avid puzzler, I don’t do the puzzles. I stick to the gossip, crime stories, everyday heroes, reviews, and I occasionally read (and laugh about) the recipes. I am addicted to “celebrity” fashion, and merrily critique gowns and costumes. I do this in my mismatched living room, wearing pajama bottoms, a tank-top, and hot pink pseudo-Crocs.
I have yet to hear Rihanna, Britney Spears, Beyonce, Lady GaGa, or Jessica Simpson sing (and am in no hurry to) but I can pretty much report on their ups and downs and the bums in their lives. Jennifer Aniston? I’ve never watched Friends, never seen her movies, and know all about her various loves. It’s weird. I will read anything printed about Britney Spears. Anything. Make a list of every day she’s been alive, publish it in People, and I’ll read it. Maybe I should live closer to my family. Not that they’d want that.
It gets weirder. Men. Yeah, that’s pretty weird right there. But the only men I will read about are the ones I have seen or heard, unless, of course, they are involved with women about whom I’ve read. If there’s an item about Spencer Pratt (who?) I’ll totally ignore it. And in some cases, I won’t ever read about a guy who’s been involved with a woman I’ve read about because he is a dog. For example, John Mayer has apparently been involved with everyone, except maybe Laura Bush, and I know this because I read about all the female everyones, but I will not read an article about this musician (?) with whom I am totally unfamiliar. Maybe this essay is a little too revealing. WWFS?*
Article comments
1 - Joanne Huspek
Good one. I'm a closet People reader, meaning I won't go out of my way, but if the mag is in my dentist's office, I'm not going to thumb my nose at it.
2 - Rebecca Fordham
I enjoyed reading your article. I live in the UK so we don't have People mag over here but many of it's hybrid brothers and sisters! I agree that gossip can be deemed very catty and disloyal but everyone is guilty of participating in one way or another. I think we live vicariously through the ups and downs of celebrity's lives so a good gossip magazine is always tempting!