I'm one of those people who has a hard time learning how to accept a compliment. It comes from years of self-doubt and an inability to believe in my own worth. One of the thoughts that has made it easier for me to accept compliments, or to at least acknowledge the fact that one has been paid, is consideration for the person paying the compliment.
If someone has gone to the effort to offer you their sincere congratulations or praise, than the least you can do is graciously accept that compliment. What amazes me is how many people, who are not afflicted with my past, will seek to brush off compliments with vague generalizations or trite denials.
False modesty is in some ways far more egotistical than the most aggressive self-promotion. In some ways, dismissing someone else's opinion is the same as saying "What do you know?" When you think about it, there is actually more humility in accepting a compliment graciously than in pretending not to deserve it.
There's a big difference between humility and false modesty, with the former implying a sense of dignity and the latter simply self-serving. Sometimes I fear that the world we live in, or our society, which is the world I'm most familiar with, knows far too little about humility and far too much about the pride that goes with false modesty.
To me humility and humbleness indicate an ability to show gratitude for the praise you are receiving and the ability you have been gifted with. Sure you've had to work hard to refine your skills to the point where you receive praise, but without some core ability that you were born with, unique to you, that hard work would be for nothing.
The ability to interpret inspiration as writing, whether fiction, non-fiction, or poetry, is a gift whose origin I'm often at a loss to explain, but one I'm eternally grateful for. I only need look at the void left in my day when I'm unable to write, for whatever reason, to know how bleak and desperate my world would be without it.
Article comments
1 - chantal stone
Great article, Richard. Accepting compliments has always been a problem for me, for similar reason as you--I never felt like I deserved them, especially when it came to my photography.
I'm getting much better at it though, and when you put it the way you did, being grateful for the compliment, AS WELL AS the gift, that makes it so much easier to accept.
Thank-you ;)
2 - Earl
I always found it amusing that in present day enlish, "thank you" is often returned with a "Thank YOU".
"Thank you"
"No, Thank You"
"Please, Thank YOU"
"NO Please, Thank You"
.... ad infinitum... ad nauseum.
Look, here how it's supposed to go.
"Thank you"
"You're welcome"
or
"Thank you so very much"
"You are quite welcome"
It's really easy and it's probably proper enlish.
Your Welcome
3 - Jet in Columbus
"that in present day enlish,"
"It's really easy and it's probably proper enlish"
I STILL can't find that damned Thesaurus!!!! Maybe it's in the dictionary.
I hate being thanked, because sometimes it implies that the only reason I did it was to be thanked.
...but that's only my opinion...
4 - Richard Marcus
Jet:
I know what you mean when it comes to doing something for someone else, gratidude has a different meaning from what I was talking about. I was talking about accepting a compliment for something I had created, not a thank you of appreciation for helping out.
You don't want to do something for another person for selfish reasons, like recognition, or to say look how special I am, I'm helping out.
Richard