The hulking, gas-guzzling Hummer H-1 is going the way of the Dodo, the Desoto and the Daughtry, as GM has announced 2006 will be the last year for this 10-mile per gallon behemoth.
Mentioned in the news accounts of GMâ€™s announcement is that environmentalists hated the H-1 for obvious reasons, while celebrities and off-road enthusiasts loved the indulgence and power offered by the mother of all Hummers.
Conspicuously absent in these accounts was any mention of the Hummerâ€™s largest audience, males who have a deep sense of phallic meagerness. Nothing says â€śsmall dickâ€ť quite like the Hummer H-1. The only thing that comes close is having a woman flash the universal sign for â€śsmall dick;â€ť the thumb and forefinger held up in a this-close manner.
Some guys who suffer from microphallus are panicked, some have moved on to other vehicles, while many have moved in a different direction in order to try and overcome their shortcoming.
And members of the teeny weenie brigade shouldnâ€™t speak up in defense of the necessity of driving a Hummer in suburban settings. Youâ€™ll just look stupid and weâ€™ll know that you suffer from dwarf cock, as well.
However, the wealthy but panicked pin dicks can rest easy as the $100,000 International CXT, which looks more like a semi than a pick up, is on the market. International calls it the worldâ€™s largest pickup truck as it weighs in at 14,500 pounds and is 21 feet long and 9 feet high.
The CXT has what it takes to replace the Hummer H-1 for those men with insignificant inseams. With a 220-horsepower diesel engine and a 70-gallon fuel tank, the CXT will certainly draw the ire of environmentalists. More importantly, the wiener-challenged will be able to draw ample attention to themselves in their attempt to compensate for their picayune pricks when they sit behind the wheel of this baby.
Environmentalists, rather than appeal to a manâ€™s sense of responsibility to conserve fuel, should call out the drivers of these gas-guzzlers for having tiny members and pepper these guys with scorn and derision. Their public service announcements should use the motto, â€śYouâ€™re insensitive about the environment and you have a small dick!â€ť Anywayâ€¦