Dear Elsa,
At the beginning of this year I met a guy. The attraction was instant and mutual, and now we have been together for seven months.
The problem is I don't know how to face his complicated personality. He is extremely intelligent, reliable, and very successful in his career, but he's totally messed up in the world of emotions. For example: when we are with friends in public, he is very pleasant, kind and polite, talkative and positive - an optimistic, shining star. The same when we communicate via phone, messengers and emails. When we are alone, he becomes shy, cynical, defensive, pessimistic, and unpleasant. He often uses irony, is critical of everything, and very unsure of himself.
When he has these days, I do not know how to react. Sometimes he seems to be so emotionally cold and distant (like a stone statue) that I think he has no emotions or heart at all. I'm a very sensitive person, and at the beginning I felt so hurt I thought I would leave him. I did leave him a few times, but we always ended up together. We both feel what is going on in the other; the difference is that I'm an open book with him and he is not at all, which is hurting me, of course.
I know he had a difficult and loveless childhood. He spent lots of time alone in his own world, reading books and studying. I think this is the result. He learned to hide everything that could make him vulnerable in front of others, even those who love him.
Sometimes I think this relationship is too difficult for me, because I know I feel safe with someone who is showing his emotions openly. However, I must also confess I find this relationship very interesting and challenging as well, like an adventure. We have lots in common.
Article comments
1 - diana hartman
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2 - Fiona
Hi,
iv been going out with a guy for over a year now and i did really like him at the begining but now there is someone else in the picture...when im with him i enjoy it but like when hes having a bad day i seem to be really put off by him..where as this other guy seems to nag me alot and be at me but on the other hand i really really get along with him. on the other hand my boyfriend is loving but just doesnt tell me anything nice or show me his emotions! see why i'm so confused!?! Also iv told him i want to go on a break!? was this such as bad idea? help!!
3 - Raluca
I think you are judging the girl too hard. She is right in feeling hurt by his reserved, icy, unemotional way of being when they are in private. He should concentrate in expressing his emotions, this is his duty in a relationship. It is up to us to solve our issues and refrain from hurting our beloved ones. He at least should have explained his reasons and assured her his behaviour doesn't mean he doesn't love her. It is perfectly normal to analyze our partners and determin if we fit and if we are happy or not. We shouldn't walk in life and love blindfolded and mute waiting for bad things to happen to us.