It all started with a revelation in the Puerto Rican rainforest this past January. I was hiking with a group of writers from Vermont College of Fine Arts, threading through the lush green trails that crisscrossed the east side of El Yunque. With walking sticks in hand, we made our way as the bright, morning Caribbean sun filtered through the palms in lacy patterns, and birdsong trilled overhead. Sounds idyllic, doesn’t it? Well, I wouldn’t know. I was too busy huffing and puffing, staring at the few feet of stone-strewn ground ahead, praying that the guide would call for a rest break soon.
At a certain point as I trailed behind the group, I stopped to catch my breath, hands on my chubby knees, and looked up to see my friend and colleague who suffers from MS two miles ahead, waiting for my sorry ass. Ashamed, I hauled my 215-pound body along the trail, focusing only on the next step, one step at a time, trying not to cry from exhaustion and humiliation.
I’m not sure how I finished the hike, it’s all a blur, but I did, and that night, as I lay in bed with twin ice packs on my arthritic knees, tears pouring down my face from the pain, I realized I was too young to feel so damn old. Not to mention that the week before we had left Vermont for the island, I had been diagnosed as pre-diabetic. I snored so loudly that my husband sometimes had to retreat to the couch and I couldn’t share a hotel room with anyone on the trip. And, worst of all, sometimes I woke up choking and gasping for air from sleep apnea. The situation was starting to scare me. Really scare me, like zombies and spiders scare me. But it was then, that night in that eco-lodge twin bed that I decided: Next year, when I returned with the next group of students, just weeks before my 50th birthday, I was going to meet that milestone with 65 fewer pounds on my body.
Today, eight months later, I’m closer to keeping that commitment than I ever imagined I could be, and I’m more than halfway to my goal. So why start blogging about weight loss now? Well, I’ve made promises like this before. I can’t even tell you how many times. How could I be certain that in that moment in Naguabo, Puerto Rico, I’d actually hit bottom with my eating and weight gain? That something really had shifted? And if I embarked and then failed, as I had so many times before, how could I do so in front of so many people? But from the day I got back to Vermont—January 10, 2012—the process of transformation began.
Article comments
1 - Stella P
Ann you have put to words what many of us share, thank you for your encouragement and inspiration-muchas felices!
2 - Tavia Gilbert
Ann, I commend you for you commitment â€" to weight loss, to improved health, strength, and mobility, and to blogging about the process.
I am healthy and strong, and I suffer from chronic pain. I've been been through a lot in my relatively short life (14 foot surgeries, disc herniations, a serious car accident, a shoulder injury), so it takes a tremendous amount of willpower and self-love to move my body.
It's vital to create and sustain healthy habits that keep me active and fit, despite so much challenge. Pilates, yoga, swimming, spinning and biking, breathing fresh air, eating nourishing food, avoiding sugar and gluten â€" these are all habits I'm cultivating.
xo
3 - Joyce Ray
What an inspirational piece! I'm cheering for you, Ann, and will refer others to your blog. This writing task you have given yourself is so important.
4 - Carrie
I am in love with you. That is all. :)
Oh, wait! I'm super excited to keep reading this blog.
*applauds for you, wildly*
5 - Ann Cardinal
You guys all ROCK! I'm so pleased that these are things that people can relate to. And Tavia, I'm right there with you, clean eating, exercise, reduced softserve ice cream intake... ;) My next entry is going to be about books that have inspired me. I've read so much over the last 8 months.
6 - Ebaker2
You go Annie. You look terrific and have the commitment and resilience to do this work. Keep your eye on the prize.
7 - Christopher Rose
My weight peaked two and a half years ago at 230lbs and now it is down to 185lbs and I've just transitioned from being obese to merely being overweight, which is a big deal for me!
Now I want to get at least another 20lbs off, maybe a little more.
I was doing weight watchers with my wife but we both got stuck on plateaus so we've recently switched to a calorie controlled diet and eat between 750 and 1300 calories 6 days a week and allow ourselves 1600-1800 calories one day a week.
This is much easier and more fun, so I'm hopeful of getting the rest of the fat off over the next six months.
8 - June
Great inspirational blog, Ann. I'm very proud of you & your commitment. Believe me it's a continuous commitment. I haven't had a creemie in more than a year (my downfall) - I would drive-thru McDonalds an average of once a day every day of the year!!! Looking forward to reading more of your blogs.
9 - bridgette
I'm so happy for you. How are you doing it? Curious as to the type of exercise you are doing. Good going.
10 - Carol
Thanks for doing this, Ann! I've really appreciated sharing this mutual journey the last few months, and (no surprise) I love your candor and curiosity. Here's to an amazing 50th birthday party!
11 - Susannah Noel
"I fear complacency, loss of control, and the appeal of kettlecorn." What a great post, Ann! I love the honesty AND the humor.
Weight loss is about so much more than numbers on a scale - and you've captured that beautifully. Can't wait to read the next post.
12 - mima tipper
You are my hero today, Ann Cardinal! Go, go, go:)
13 - Sheri
Everything you said, I feel like you were in my head, reading my thoughts & feelings. Well said! I'm on the same journey myself after "falling off the wagon" a million times in the last 15+ years... Can't wait to read more.. Thanks for sharing, especially when I personally feel I'm the only one that has been riding that roller-coaster, only to realize that geez, there are more of "us" out there than I thought. =)
14 - Ann Cardinal
Thank you, Sheri! There are more of "us," and that's why I started this blog! I needed to hear from YOU too! :) Thanks everyone. I'm so happy it struck a chord.
15 - Brian Hagman
You really are an inspiration, as is obvious from the comments.
I have a few thoughts for all to consider:
> Lots of people start, but then get frustrated and ultimately fail to lose weight, become fit, etc. Why?
> Unrealistic expectations and unsustainable programs.
> We (society) and the purveyors of the processes and products for fitness look for the quickest fix (short attention span is a symptom of our issue).
> So the fix is quite often relatively extreme (check almost any diet out there, or exercise program).
> And how does extreme fit into a typical life? It does not (see: PX90).
> So for most, radical change does not work.
> My recommendations? First, reasonable eating habits. My personal belief is that portion control is more effective than elimination of one's typical dietary staples. Although frankly, avoidance of those things that cause your problems is a necessity (some of this can be an inflammatory thing - check with me if you want more detail and my own experiences).
> Second, a sustainable exercise program. Keep it simple; should always contain walking. And some sort of strength training. The use of resistance exercise not only creates useable muscle (which burns more calories), but can also provide high intensity cardiovascular conditioning (I personally center this around kettlebell training - again, check with me if you want more info and testimony).
I am a long time participant and observer of the "exercise world" so I feel I've seen most of it, and most of it fail.
Interested in your thoughts and comments.
16 - Ann Cardinal
Brian, you're pretty much totally on the money in my book. I'm going to cover all these issues in the weeks to come. LOVE all these ideas.
17 - Kathryn
Ann, I knew from the first time we met (through an email) that I had a connection with you. I'm at just at the beginning stage once again of the 40lb weight loss journey to better health. You described the feeling perfectly. I laughed as you described your trip to El Junque, I was there one year ago and thought the trail would never end. Keep blogging, you are an inspiration.
Kathy