Hi Elsa,
I'm going through some rough and tense time. In April I got out of a very difficult relationship where I was emotionally unfulfilled. We didn't quite relate in matters of planning the future, values, money, etc. He seemed very self-sufficient, detached, and unwilling (or fearful) of commitment to any plan or vision - for me these things are normal for a couple to build and pursue together. It was very hard for me to let go.
Nevertheless, I was relieved and eventually very happy being alone, spending more time with family and friends, contemplating on my past issues, and developing my career.
A few weeks ago I met this new guy with whom I instantly clicked. Although we didn't spend much time together, we were very drawn together and astonished about how similar we are in our views, tastes, humor. The problem? I feel I need some time for myself right now and on the other hand I wish I could be in a beautiful, solid relationship, which I can very well imagine with this man.
I fear that I will fall in love too quickly, expect too much too soon, or that I will be exposed to the same negative experiences as with my ex. I sometimes feel I have to fight my own battles first (especially build my self-confidence and develop my talents) and the romance could or should wait. And then I think this is very selfish and cowardly, because I cannot plan everything in life and some 'things' just happen!
I tell myself I should loosen up a bit and try with this new man, but somehow it is hard for me to loosen up right now. What do you think, is there hope for me, or maybe for us?
Suffering
PS: I apologize for mistakes. English is not my native language.
Dear Suffering,
Yes of course there is hope! The core issue here is your fear — of everything. Fear of going too fast, fear of making a mistake, fear of trusting your feelings, of doing the wrong thing, of being wrong, selfish, a coward, etc.
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