Normally you see me around the site making wild-eyed sports predictions or something equally incoherent. But I'm here today to discuss one of the most tragic occurrences Blogcritics has ever seen: I lost my Puddle of Suss logo.
It's gone. No more. Shuffled off its mortal coil. Bought the farm. This is an ex-parrot logo.
So in order to resurrect the logo of perhaps one of the most talked about tri-yearly features in the history of journalism, this installment of Puddle of Suss (with a new logo!) takes a close look at a growing problem in today's society:
Going potty.
Some may assert that male urinary problems are no laughing matter. Enlarged
prostates are serious and should be treated as such by your personal doctor. While I'm not here to debate the seriousness of prostate size, I will dissent by saying that pee pee problems are extremely funny, and whether you're in second grade or on your second hip, things of or relating to urine always make for a good, clean laugh. Okay, "clean" is a relative description.
I can't be the only one laughing when I see TV commercials for Flomax, a prescription drug designed to help men cope with their urinary problems, including "going often" and "weak stream." Just look at the name of the drug. Flomax.
The prefix "flo" is clearly a reference to "flow" and "max" is either a suffix for "a lot" or Mr. Patkin. But it's likely a reference to the former, meaning you're left with a hilarious image of an extremely long stream of wee-wee. So if I take Flomax, I'll pee a lot. Comedy gold.
Sure, poop jokes are funny — sorta. But poop and pee, both necessary bodily functions, elicit two polar opposite initial reactions. Poop is dirty. Very dirty. And many of the words describing the action are not very pleasing: stool, log, doodie, dump, crap, BM, shit, dung, turd, feces, dookie, droppings, road apples. Hungry yet?
Article comments
1 - chantal stone
ok, yeah, I giggled....you're right--pee is funny
2 - mschannon
Well, my pants are dry, but you got me laughing. (But then I just got up and already did my wee wee, so I was relatively safe.)
Brilliant analysis. You should give up sports and take up bodily functions.
In Jameson Veritas
3 - gonzo marx
note to self....
"self, send Suss a box of Depends, just in case"
Excelsior?
4 - DrPat
OMG, Suss, now you're doing it -- coloring bodily fluids BLUE!!
(Really. Shouldn't that puddle be sun- rather than sky-colored?)
5 - Matthew T. Sussman
You mean pee isn't blue?
I ... need to go to the hospital.
6 - duane
Plus, peeing is way more fun.
Yeah, no shit, eh. Ever pee in someone's gas tank? Pee out letters in the snow? See how far back you can stand from the urinal without getting any on the floor? I remember my anatomy course in college, having to chemically analyze our own urine samples, walking back into the lab with a paper cup full of piss, feeling embarrassed in front of the girls. When I was a kid, it was not uncommon to find me and a friend or two pissing into a toilet at the same time. We would have sword fights with the streams. The Moms were not happy with the aftermath.
Here's a pissing joke for ya.
A guy in a bar bets the bartender $1000 that he can bite his own left eye. The bartender takes him up on it. The customer pulls out his glass eye and clamps his teeth down on it. The bartender smacks himself upside the head, wondering how he could have fallen for something so obvious. He's down a thousand. The customer bets the bartender another $1000 that he can bite his right eye. The bartender figures that this guy isn't blind, so his right eye couldn't be fake too. Bartender accepts the bet. Customer pulls out his false teeth and clamps them down on his right eye. The bartender, now down $2000, is furious with himself. Customer, appearing a little guilty for taking in the poor bartender, offers him a chance to get his money back. The customer bets the bartender $5000 that he can stand up on the end of the bar and piss into a beer mug located at the other end of the bar without getting a drop anywhere but in the mug. The bartender puzzles over this for a minute. Looks at the bar. It's 20 feet from end to end. Bartender figures he can't possibly lose this one, and accepts the bet. The customer climbs up on the bar, spreads his legs apart, zips open his fly, pulls out his dick, and proceeds to soak the bar with piss, spraying wildly every which way. He makes a total mess, Piss is dripping down the edge of the bar making disgusting little piss puddles on the floor. The bartender is thrilled. He starts dancing around with his arms raised over his head, lets out a "Whoo-hooo!" and he's all smiles and laughter. Then he stops, and says to the customer, "How come you made such a stupid bet? You didn't even try to hit the mug. You're down $3000 and it's like you just gave it away." The customer, zipping up, says, "Well, not exactly. I bet that guy over in the corner $10,000 that I could piss all over your bar and that you would cheer after I did it."
7 - Chelsea Snyder
Hey, none of you ever had to share a bed with him.
8 - Matthew T. Sussman
They had their chance.