3. Sharing my thighs
Okay, get your mind out of the gutter. Besides, I only have thighs for one man… (get it? Eyes, thighs?...sorry). What I mean is, now I can sit next to someone on an airplane or in a theatre seat and not have my thighs spilling over the edges of my seat. No matter how much I tried to condense myself, to pull my voluminous legs into one another and onto only one seat, it was a losing battle. It’s hard to concentrate on a poetry reading when your thighs are pressing against the leg of the stranger next to you.
And while we’re on the subject of thighs…
4. My thighs rubbing together as I walk
Remember that teacher in grammar school who you always knew was coming by the swish-swish of her nylon-coated thighs? I used to be amazed that her polyester dress didn’t go up in flames from the boy-scout-with-sticks type friction. Well, I have more empathy for her now. I worked hard learning to walk with minimal movement of my upper legs to avoid the humiliation of that tell-tale sound. It was awful when I would pull a decent pair of leggings from the dryer, only to discover the fabric on the upper inside of the legs had worn through. Amazing that a piece of clothing could cause such sadness.
I was walking through a hotel lobby this morning and it hit me. My legs weren’t touching as I strode. It was a freakin’ Christmas miracle in February.
5. Not being able to cross my legs
I know someone out there is saying, “But Ann, that’s not good for your back/hips/knees (pick one)!” Sorry, I think it’s sexy. Besides, I wear too many skirts to sit with my feet on the floor with my knees pulled tightly together (which was an impossibility until recently), and crossing my legs at the ankles like the nuns taught me? – well, nothing makes me feel more like my maiden aunt Ana. All that’s missing is the support hose and black patent leather purse. No, I think a woman looks hot and confident with her legs crossed and her back straight. I do it all the time now that I can, folding myself into a compact container on only one seat. Feels damn good.