"My theory has just been proven correct about the location and existence of Eternal Damnation or to be blunt, 'HELL'. The solid core that measures about 1,500 miles in diameter is spinning about one-quarter to one-half degree faster, per year, than the rest of the world, according to these scientists from Columbia University's Lamont-Doherty Earth Observatory and the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. This could only be caused by the weight of billions of sinner’s souls and demons. Of course Satan isn't any where near as heavy as God, but he is way heavier than any man. He is even heavier than Star Jones."Mr. Robertson refers to the recent discovery by a group of geologists that the inner magnetic core spins faster than outer mantle regions. A panel of fellow experts in Intelligent Designology issued an official finding concurring with Mr. Robertson's controversial new theory.
Satire by John Bill, founder of independent think tank the Jmaximus Institute of Freedom. 
Article comments
1 - Rudicus
What a bunch of crap - everyone knows Hell doesn't reside at the earth's core. This area was completely documented by Professor Lidenbrock and Axel on their Journey to The Center of The Earth.
2 - Maurice
That is funny as hell!
3 - Eric Berlin
Lidenbrock.... good name.
4 - bryan
Pat Robertson is decived as hell,his own eternel damnation awaits him,its states somewhere in the bible that some great pastors will cry out to God for mercy on that last day and God will say,I do not know you.
5 - FAINT
I better go all out for God cuz I aint trying to go to HELL! but this guy under me isnt too intellegent because theirs actually 3 Hells and one of them is inside the earth
6 - Bruce Joyner
I do love satire..especially any that deals with Hell....So i really liked this blog...Hell is not all it is cracked up to be...I have visited Hell a few times in this reality and it seems to be located at the closest church ;especially when the preachers and congregation find out i am a musician in a Rock n Roll band living in their neighborhood . Heaven on the other hand seems to be the feeling i get when things go right..like when i am eating a chocolate milkshake or eating a steak...
7 - Liz
This is a bunch of crap i mean come on i think that we would have found out that hell was under us al ong time ago since we have such advanced technoligy! i mean hell underneath us bull shit!!
8 - EvolutionCult.com
The Bible does not say exactly where Hell is.
However, how fitting it would be to place Hell below the future 'Heaven on Earth'
Be sure to visit our new website EvolutionCult.com and help Stop the evolution lie.
Jodie
9 - Sharon
Actually the bible does mention where hell is.
Matthew 12:40, Jesus Christ says:
"For as Jonas was three days and three nights in the whale's belly: so shall the Son of man be three days and three nights in the HEART OF THE EARTH. "
As it is said that Jesus first descended to Hell before He rose to heaven.
Ephesians 4:9, says of Jesus: "Now that he ascended, what is it but that he also descended first into the LOWER PARTS OF THE EARTH."
10 - sijo joy
no i dont believe this scrap !! in bible there is no evidences of hell!
11 - Richard
Uh..HU..
So, APPARENTLY the wieght of all the souls makes the core spin faster...?
Well, seeing as roughly 106,000,000,000 people have been born, therefore that many must have died...so there are 106 000 000 000 souls in hell? Subtracting those of whichever religion is "correct"
Now a "soul" is thought to wiegh 21 grams...so thats 2.226e12 GRAMS worth of soul. Which is 2,226,000,000KG worth.
Now in a planet that wieghs 6e24KG, thats aint very much! only 3.71e-14% which is nowhere near enought to make the core spin faster.
Sorry sir, But you dont have me fooled.
12 - Risky Perez
what the hell? this foo just want to be famous if god loves me and you then theres no hell on earth but somewhere else
13 - chris
u guys r trying to be so smart with science. But if u dont repent, u will be part of the screams of hell. And by the the way there is evidence of hell in the bible idiot. Get ur lazy ass up and find it sijo joy!
14 - Mary
Ok u people dont believe anything, remember the scientists who heard voices of people sreaming back in the 70's I think..but the Bible clearly says there's a hell and all those mediocres who call themselves cristians will go there too
15 - ben
look guys theres proof, well i guess we will truely find out when we pass. This all does make sense though
16 - ben
Read the bible too guys, Might help
17 - ben
fyi did you know that 75 percent of non believers has never really unterstand or read the bible
18 - aertasd
the Bible does talk about hell a lot. And it says its like a lake of burning sulfur. Whether you take that literally or not the earths core isn't made of sulfur.