What comes to mind when you think of Woody Allen? Brilliant? Talented? Reclusive? Funny? Those are the kinds of words that described him for me in my youth. As a teenager growing up in New York, no one captured the essence of being a New Yorker like Woody Allen. When I saw Sleeper, I laughed so hard I cried. The same with Bananas. His recurring role as the intellectual New York loser touched my heart, and that he aimed his humor at anything and anyone earned my respect. I spent half my youth in a dark movie theater, and Woody Allen was my hero. The voice of the people. Then he changed all that for me, face-to-face.
I was a 16-year-old ice cream scooper at the Sedutto’s shop on 72nd and Columbus Avenue in New York City. Because of our location and proximity to the Dakota, celebrities often frequented the store. Yoko Ono. Olivia Newton-John. Baseball great Phil Rizzuto, or “The Scooter” as he is affectionately known, tipped me $5.00 on an order for one cone. I was used to a parade of interesting celebrities, almost bored by it. So I wasn’t surprised when Mr. Allen came in with a group of people. But of all the stars, he was closest to my heart. He had been in alone before and was so docile he barely looked up to place his order, so I was unprepared for the Jekyll and Hyde transformation from funny talented geek to asshole with an entourage.
“We’ll take six milkshakes, three chocolate, three vanilla” he barked at me. As the store only had two small blenders so it took me some time to prepare the shakes. As I scurried about preparing the order with extra care, he and his group, which include Tony Roberts and Mia Farrow, bantered about with Woody clearly in command. I made the shakes thick because he was Woody Allen, and thick is better, right?
I nervously placed the shakes on the counter in front of him, and he took a sip out of a chocolate one. I was certain he would be pleased.
“This is completely undrinkable!” he spat at me, “Do I have to come back there and show you how to make them?” The group cackled.
Surprised and humiliated, I took all the shakes back and proceeded to remake them, adding more milk. As I worked he continued to berate and insult me while Tony Roberts laughed loudly.
Article comments
1 - Christopher Rose
Nice story. I can't stand Woody Allen and have never found him funny or, indeed, anything other than utterly creepy!
2 - Ruvy in Jerusalem
Why does this story not surprise me, Ann?
Woody Allen is, to my knowledge, the most famous graduate of Midwood High School, my own alma mater. In the early 1970's there used to be a huge photo of him next to the late Mr. Bernstein, the principal of the school who had died shortly after he retired, the year I graduated. I well remember the rich snooty bastards who used to go there forty years ago. Woody Allen was just like them, though he may have been as rich. He was funny all right.
But he was a real asshole - as Mia Farrow was to find out. Unfortunately for her, you found out a lot earlier than she did.
You were too young and insecure to give him the comeback that would have shut him up:
"I made you a thick milkshake because I admire your work and wanted to do something special for you. If you wanted chocolate milk, you should have ordered it, Mr. Allen. It's coming right up, sir!"
Good luck with Sister Chicas.
3 - Nancy
No one should berate a young worker who's trying their best - or an old one, either, for that matter. I concur w/#1: I've never found him funny, witty, brilliant, or any deserving of any other quality attributed to him, & I've always marvelled than people find a whining, jerky asshole to be funny, witty, or a "great comedian". As for the rest of his toadies, shame on them: at least one should have had the guts to speak up to Mr. Nebbish. What a bunch of losers. But time has proved that, hasn't it.